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Grunger

Take no notice of them - your prowess as a tap dancer will ensure your plumbing qualification is a formality.

Malone, Jigjag

I agree with Malone that "plumbress" is not an elegant word. It looks rather like "plumpness" which I dont like either.

I do like "Wench with a Wrench", very appropriate. I have a problem with one of the words though. "Wench" is fine, as I have been a bar and serving one, but "wrench" seems too American. However, I will accept the title as I dont want to put a spanner in the works.

Tyke

I dont know about prowess but I have been a *ap dancer as well as a *ap dancer. You are right that these experiences will help with my plumbing exams.

Grunger,

A relief to hear that you don't fancy being a 'plumbress' or a 'plumberess', what ungainly words those are. I didn't realise 'wrench' might be an American word, but my knowledge of DIY, tools etc is on a par with my knowledge of cricket - ie non-existent. I hate to worry you, but there will definitely be times when you're called upon to put a spanner in the works.

With you and Tyke restoring the economy - with your piking and plunging - I hope you will spare a thought for your underskilled friends in PU. I don't know about Jigjag, but I am happy to accept any donations.

Malone

Thank you for nominating me for Grand Master....., it sounds rather er... grand, but I accept on condition people dont think I am in charge of some grand organisation.

By the way, why are the Government telling us to "Stay Home". This grates - surely "Stay at Home" would be correct. No wonder people are not obeying when they cant understand the message.

Grunger

Do you mean you have been a rap dancer? What is it?

Jigag/GM Jigjag,

I'm delighted you've accepted your title. I'm sure most clear-thinking people will realise that the name is a mark of respect, nothing more. I feel I should also remind you that 'the loftier the title, the smaller the salary'.

Your 'at home' stuff sounds very valid to me. 'Stay Home' does sound a little odd. Your comment reminded me of something that's been irritating my inner pedant. Because of social distancing, many supermarkets have brought in queuing systems, to lessen numbers in store. I've had various communications from Waitrose and others, I've read many newspaper articles. Lots of these refer to the 'one in, one out' policy. I feel this is inherently wrong - it's completely back to front. The stores are actually working on a 'one out, one in' basis - ie as one shopper leaves, another can be admitted.

Jigjag,

I meant to add...

You asked Grunger if she'd been a 'rap' dancer. I think you got the wrong end of the stick (pike) - I believe she used to be a 'map dancer', one of these people you see hopping about in fury at service stations, dancing around when they realise they've taken the wrong exit. As we're in the 21st century, the maps themselves are often available on mobile phones, rather than in the 'AA Map Of Britain'.

...then again, Grunger could have been thinking of you, your position of ' Master Of The Rolls'... maybe she was a Bap Dancer?

Malone

I am disappointed to read that the salary is going to be rather small.......probably zero.........., but it is a nice honorary title.

I haven't been to the shops for weeks, but I see what you mean about the policy. It seems a sensible one, but why cant anyone say what they mean nowadays?

Talking about saying what you mean, I have no idea what Grunger meant about her early career. It could be rap, but I think your ideas of map or bap are more likely. Btw I still use a 1989 AA map, which is still fairly accurate. But is it bap? I dont know. I think in may places it is a bread roll, but that is "batch" here, and "bap" is slang for something I dont want to get into, but might be what she meant!

Malone & Jigjag

My own dancing would best be described as **ap so I don`t feel qualified to speculate on Grunger`s early dancing career but ... as a man of the world Jigjag I`m sure you will have had occasion to visit `Gentlemen`s Clubs` where men are entertained. Sorry to lower the tone, once again, but there is an obvious solution to the **p dancing conundrum - apologies Grunger if I too have got the wrong end of the stick/pike - it wouldn`t be the first time and probably won`t be the last!

Tyke

I have had only one experinece of the dancing activity you refer to. I was in a deserted pub in Worcester some years ago after a hard day's cricket-watching when a young lady came to my table. After a short conversation she asked me if I would like a dance, and I would not even have to get up. There was a small fee for the dance and anything else was negotiable. I politely declined but wondered what it was all about. But later as the pub filled up, she seemed to be busy.

I suppose this could be what Grunger meant, as she mentioned her disreputabe past a few days ago when we were discussing lowlife/low life. Perhaps she would be so kind as to let us know.

Jigjag

The mystery continues ...

Worcester is definitely a ground I must visit - once we are allowed out again. I`ve had many reports that cricket-watching can be a pleasurable experience there, which the account of your visit confirms.