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Malone

The audition for the role of Pie Piper went very well. They were pleased with the pies and the Director, Wanda Pye, was feeling a bit peckish so tasted a few. She thought the minced rinsed quince one hit all the right notes.

The panel thought my skirt was unsuitable, so they gave me a dress to change into. It was covered in numbers and geometric shapes which was puzzling.

Jigjag introduced my piece as “Amazing Grace by the Amazing Brace”. They were pleased with my bagpiping, but asked if I could play something more mathematical, possibly something by Pie-thagoras in 3/4/5 time. I wasn’t familiar with that tempo, but Jigjag had taken a triangle and he played Euclid’s Triangle Concerto, with me piping in at random moments.

They were delighted and we did a Highland Fling to celebrate. I looked more closely at the numbers on my dress, 3.14159….. Of course. They wanted a Pi Piper.

Grunger

Wonderful stuff! You and Jigjag did extremely well, what a pairing. I am so glad I suggested this opening for you, it could be that a bright future
lies ahead.

I usually switch off at any mention of Pi and Euclid and all that … mathematical stuff, but you managed to integrate it so beautifully that I don't mind in the slightest.

It was good too that the pies went down well .. groan.

Jigjag

Well done on supporting Grunger/The Amazing brace so well. You certainly seemed to rise to the occasion.

PS There's a report on the BBC about Marks and Spencer's Christmas trading. A spokesman admits that they 'overestimated the demand for tight-fitting [men's] trousers'. As a result, they have ordered more (as in 'more supplies') of 'regular' and 'relaxed fit' clothing for spring.

Grunger

Thanks for your lovely summary of this morning's activity. It was a pleasure to accompany you. You did very well with so little practice. I also enjoyed the Highland Fling. I have never danced with a professional before, and you did well to get me moving.

Malone

I think Grunger has a chance, but as you intimated earlier, the pie-eyed piper who was on after us may well get the job.

With all this activity, plus a heavy football schedule, I haven't had a chance to study the trading updates from the supermarkets, M&S etc. From what you say, and from your comment last week about the market, there is quite a bit of work to do. I will do it next week and pay a few visits, as talking to the staff is often more useful than reading the reports put out.

Jigjag
It sounds as if you too enjoyed the whole experience.

I've had a quick look on the M and S website. This is just a small sample of what's available in the jeans department.

Slim Fit 360 Degree Flex Jeans

Skinny Fit Vintage Wash
Skinny Fit Vintage Wash With Stretch

Big and Tall Slim Fit 360 Degree Flex Jeans

Italian Cotton 5 Pocket Stretch Travel Jeans

Regular Fit Stretch Jeans With Stormwear

I don't know about you, but I'd have to ask for an in-store translator to work my way through that lot!

Grunger, Jigjag

Devastating news … you didn't get the gig. The Pie-Eyed Piper didn't get it either. Instead, the panel decided it was time to embrace the modern era, technology and all - the slot is going to the i-Pad Piper, a fifteen-year old with a little rectangular device rather than a set of pipes. Apparently, every tune in the world is stored on that, complete with a wide array of accompanists. Never mind, you had a grand day out - and it'll leave you both more time to spend on your usual activities.

Malone

That's very disappointing news. I hope Grunger takes it well. It seems they dont want a Pi, Pie, Pied or Pie-eyed Piper but an i-Pad Piper. How strange.

I saw the boy in the Green Room. He was staring at his devious device, but music was coming out of it without him blowing into it. I thought he was there to accompany his father, the i-Patch Piper who was on after Grunger.

Malone

That is indeed an incredible choice, and yet they couldn't sell any. I saw some of those styles on my trips to M&S before Christmas, but there was nothing suitable for me.

I read the report in the Times today and I will certainly be going there to find out what on earth is going on. I am hoping that some of the "relaxed fit" that you mentioned will be available in my size. I will let you know how I get on.

Malone

Thats bad news but I am not surprised. I believe that the BBC have lost an important sex discrimination case today, involving Jeremy somebody, presumably Clarkson, Paxman or Corbyn.

I must have a sex and/or ageism claim as I am surely the better Piper. If I see the Director, Wanda Pye again, I will give her a pie(ce) of my mind. I thought I had clinched the job when I offered her a tray of piping hot pies and said "Want a pie?" She said "Thanks, but how did you know my name?"

I think I will stick to dancing, it is a lot easier.

The supersized helping of spam, posted at 09.16 has been reported.

Grunger

You might be on to something with your '-ism' claim. I wonder if pedantism has made it to the ECHR yet? I might investigate later, it could be worth pursuing.

Your interaction with Wanda Pye was a delight to read . My enjoyment of that made up - a little - for the disappointment I feel on your behalf. I was pleased to hear that you are happy to continue on the performing pathway.('Pathway' is a usage I hate, it's becoming more prevalent. I am using it here in a sardonic sense.) I will, of course, look out for any roles, openings, whatever that may suit you.