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malone

You'll be pleased to know there is now quite a lot of space in the cupboards and no spice or anything else with a sell by date earlier than 2014.

Don't worry, the asparagus will be next year's

Rosalind

I'm delighted to hear you now have plenty of space (and spice) in your cupboards. The asparagus, of whatever vintage, will be soundly ignored whenever it appears.

Jigjag might not be here today. I think he's got a domestic crisis. His nephew was staying there for a few days and rang this morning to say he'd left his mobile behind. Poor Jigjag's been turning the house upside down ever since. He thought it'd be an easy task - he'd assumed the mobile would be quite big and noticeable, as his nephew said it had 'hundreds of photos on it'. Jigjag's also worried about a young relative's health - he overheard his nephew saying something about the girl being 'viral'. What a start to the New Year.

Malone

Yes it was not a great day. I spent an hour looking for my nephew's mobile and had to abandon the search to go to football. When I got home after the match, which we lost, he rang to say that he had found it in his coat pocket. I thought that it was a strange place to put a wind chime, unless it was an air pocket.

The line was bad and I thought he said "Malone's niece has got virus". I was very concerned and tried to call you but couldn't get through. Shortly afterwards he rang again, this time from a "landline" (whatever that is). He said "Malone's piece has gone viral". He must be referring to your very humorous posting of yesterday, but why it should be associated with illness, I cannot fathom.

jigjag

It was good of you to send me your Council's instructions for re-cycling. The leaflet arrived in the post today. But when I said "send me a text....." I meant to my mobile, not hard copy.

You really must get a grip of modern language!

Jigjag,

,Glad you didn't mind me sharing the information about your day. I am so relieved that your nephew found his mobile. Modern jackets have very roomy pockets, so a mobile can easily get lost in a corner.

I'm glad you got the virus, viral stuff sorted out. As you know, at this time of year people are always saying, 'there's a bug going around' and 'there's a virus going around'. I get a little irritated at times - surely with all these tablets around, people should be fit and well?

Grunger

Well done for showing such an interest in recycling. I'd say 'I can't be bothered with it', but that's been said umpteen times before.

Malone

Yes I keep hearing people talking about bugs and virus going round. Also we had "Germ" in the Times crossword today. I notice the setter could not resist his little joke, starting a clue with "So......." , when he could have easily used "Thus".

I carry a tablet or two in case of emergency, but I sometimes get asked "Can I borrow your tablet?". I always refuse, though I don't understand the request. They never seem to be ill.

You were right about my nephew having lots of photos on his mobile. I asked him if he had taken any recently, but apparently his memory was full. I am pleased to say that my memory has plenty of space left in it and I try to memorise a few plant names each day to help with the crossword.

I also have some pictures on my mobile, which consists of robins and blue tits. I attached some photographs of butterflies and it looks really lovely.

Jigjag

I didn't do today's crossword, so I didn't catch any germs. In one of the crosswords I did over the past few days, I had a cricket clue, a clue involving a cricketing term - I got the answer, but deleted it from my brain immediately. I like to keep space clear for more necessary matters.

Your mobile sounds delightful, though it's a pity you can look at it only when you're at home. My mobile, with photos of butterflies and robins and lots of holiday pics and bus timetables and train timetables and book reviews... goes everywhere with me. I know you'll be astounded, but it weighs only an ounce or two.

I can sympathise with your nephew re his memory being full. That happened to me occasionally, but I discovered I could send things off to the cloud - a super-duper storage area. (You won't find it on the High Street, by the way, don't go looking.)

Malone Jigjag

I loved all the mobile etc. stuff, very clever and amusing. The word I dislike most is "device", as in "have you brought a device? To me that means a bloke in a shed with an invention, probably a wind chime that takes photos etc.

By the way, did you see the headline that made it onto the Times short-list. "Lancs streaker balances pie on head". Before you ask, it wasn't me.

Jigjag

You are quite right not to "share" your tablets, or anything else, with strangers. I also don't like "share", as in could you "share" that with us?...,instead of "tell us"

Malone

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I have no idea what a cloud, or "the cloud", is. I will take your advice and not look for it, nor will I look it up, nor look up at it. I have seen people wandering around in a daze, with something stuck to their ears looking upwards, but I thought they were checking for rain(clouds).

Grunger

Glad you enjoyed Malone's attempt to bring me in touch with the "real" world, but I am happy in my own reality of football, cricket etc...

Grunger

Glad you enjoyed the … musings, meanderings, call them what you will! I too don't like the word 'devices', but I suppose it's quite useful, covering mobile phones, tablets, i-Pads, laptops and maybe other new-fangled things.

I'm sorry I missed the pie headline, that would have made me smile. I have always meant to ask you - do you play any musical instruments? I've got a performing role in mind for you, but it requires some degree of musicality.