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Oh Rosalind, that is brilliant!! So it is 90% water and fat! I like your suggestions for the other 10%.

I love your final paragraph. You really should write more of this. Your Merseyside humour would be appreciated. Well done!

Jigjag,

I'm getting increasingly concerned about trips to the Golden Arches. I know this is all in the pursuit of knowledge, but what about your waistline, your arteries, your taste buds? I know you weren't hugely impressed with the 'Plant Kitchen' offerings from Marks and Spencer, but this seems to be the polar opposite.

Having said that, I thank you for your invaluable research. I will no longer lose sleep over the origins of a Big Mac - and I will no longer think it necessary to try one for myself.

Rosalind,

Great stuff - thanks!

Thanks Malone, I really appreciate the interest that you and Rosalind have taken in my health etc. I only wish I could say the same about Grunger. She seems to be encouraging me in the opposite direction. I must have words with her when she returns from the tour.

Thanks, Jigjag. Fame may have gone to Grunger's head, she may decide to stick with the Spite Girls - which would be a great loss to PU.

I'm glad you didn't mind our nudges about your health. I feel the more time you spend in McDonalds, the less time you'll spend in the markets. We need you to round up all the rogue apostrophes, keep an eye on the dodgy spellings and so on.

I'd still like our show to be put on again, but with no hitches (nor gruesome pies) this time. My research continues....

After weeks of exhaustive research, I've found a venue for the next talk from Jigjag, Malone and supporting cast. The event will take place at the end of June, in Roy & Albert's Hall, London. I don't know that city very well, but believe it's a very good venue. (I thought it was in Kensington, but apparently not.)

A string quartet will welcome guests on arrival. The opening talk will be Jigjag's 'How Markets Will Fare Post-Brexit'. This is a humorous discourse on street markets, farmers' markets etc and, thankfully, nothing to do with national or global economies.

Next we will have a surprise guest from LA - LA, of course being Losers Anonymous. This is the association for disappointed solvers, membership is open to those who have never won a prize in any of the 'big' crosswords. The LA member will give a heartfelt account of life as a loser, but we hope for some uplifting anecdotes too.

Break … both on this thread and in relation to the event itself.

Continued...

Malone's 'It's A Small World' will be next, a look at some of the places, near and far, that she has visited. This talk was originally called 'Blue Sky Thinking' as that's what Malone spent much of her time doing, but had to be changed as some people said they'd expect tips and discussion on various management initiatives.

Grunger is busy with the Spite Girls tours just now. It is hoped that she will pop in to give a brief talk, provisionally called 'The Pie's The Limit'.

As the evening draws to a close, guests will leave to some random chanting from the highly-acclaimed 'Birds Of Pray' (see post 605). These sisters aren't just doing it for themselves, they will delight us too.

Malone

That is a wonderful programme. So rich in content and great variety. I should be delighted to talk about markets and I will start to work on some scripts.

Albert's Hall will be a great venue. I think it is in Kennington rather than Kensington. Only one letter different but the areas are worlds apart. If it is the place I am thinking of, it is next to The Oval, so if Tyke is watching cricket there, he might be able to pop in and give a talk about his favourite grounds, or perhaps Yorkshire Puddings.

I am away at the end of June but I hope I don't miss this amazing event that you have worked so hard to put together.

Thank goodness that is over. I have left the tour, though it is continuing. The girls decided that as I no longer have the right "image", I should have a backstage role, wardrobe repairs, press officer, sound consultant etc. That was rather unkind, but the pies have had an effect. There were many "sound issues", but I have always felt that the sound we made was an issue itself.

I have missed many interesting posts while away, so will reply to Malone and jigjag later when I have caught up.

Grunger

It's a relief to know that your ordeal is over. I am not surprised that you were underwhelmed with the new roles assigned to you. You can rest assured that PU never shunt members off into inappropriate, demeaning areas.

Jigjag

I'm glad the suggested programme meets with your approval. Thanks for the additional London information. Roy and Albert were rather vague about the location of their hall.

Tyke

Although cricket gets on my wick(et), I know that many PU members are fans. There's a place for you on our event if you wish to join us onstage.

grunger

It's good to have you back, in a role to match your talents. These are considerable, but I didn't realise that they extended to carpentry. I would have no idea how to repair a wardrobe, but luckily, I have never needed to.