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tyke51

5th June 2019, 20:07
Malone & Jigjag

Thanks for the invitation to share some sporting anecdotes at your prestigious event - which I am delighted to accept!

I hope your audience will have been nicely`warmed up` in the Green Room and are not easily offended. One true tale I can relate,even in mixed company, concerns my hero and fellow Tyke, Fred Trueman.

Fred`s first wife Enid was the Mayor of Scarborough`s daughter and they often visited a Pub In Scarborough at Sunday lunchtimes.
Enid was with a group of friends on one side of the bar while Fred was holding court on the other. Fred modestly said to someone `Aye, she`s married a bloody genius, ya know` (he pronounced it `genie-arse). Enid overheard this and shouted over the bar `Aye, the trouble with you, Fred, is you`re all arse and no genie`.
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malone

5th June 2019, 22:17
Tyke51,

Delighted to hear you'll be joining us at Roy and Albert's Hall. I will amend the provisional programme, though I've still to come up with a punning or silly title for your talk - I like to keep things light-hearted, to show that pedants are not dull, dreary souls.

PS I enjoyed your story, thanks.
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grunger

11th June 2019, 20:33
jigjag

I know you are away but there was a lot of interesting stuff in the papers today about Ocado/ Asda/Sainsburys. Are you going to use any of it in your talk at Malone's event?

Malone/Tyke

I have decided to retire from politics and did not enter the Tory leadership battle. I hope Rod Stewart wins. I think the opium/cocaine stuff from years ago is a distraction and anyway, it has not affected his singing. Tyke - loved your Fred Trueman story.
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malone

11th June 2019, 21:36
Grunger,

I'm sorry to hear you're retiring from politics and haven't entered the Tory leadership battle. If you're concerned about drug misuse in your youth, I wouldn't worry too much - that seems almost compulsory just now.

I really liked your suggestion of Rod Stewart, very droll. (I wondered if you'd had 'Maggie May' on and that triggered off thoughts of M Thatcher and T May?) I'm not sure about Mr Stewart's prospects - when it comes to benefit caps, reduced housing benefit and so on, didn't he say 'The First Cut Is The Deepest'? That doesn't bode well.

PS I too liked Tyke's FT story, but … I had to Google to remind myself who FT was!


Jigjag,
I hope Grunger's update on supermarkets prompts you to investigate further and get back to us.


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grunger

12th June 2019, 13:11
Malone

Yes I was thinking of Maggie May when I posted, but I did not see the connection to the 2 PMs. How brilliant of you to think of that!

There must be a story , or a crossword clue there, but I have not been able to think of one. I liked the "First Cut Is The Deepest", if not his policy.
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grunger

13th June 2019, 11:35
Malone

I have received a message from "R. Stewart" asking me to join his tour. Apparently he wants someone who gets things slightly wrong to be the personal assistant to his personal assistant. I dont know which one it is, as they are both on tour, but I would like to go anyway. I would like to accept but would like your advice please, if you don't mind.
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malone

13th June 2019, 12:01
Grunger, thanks for both posts. I've been busy working on seating arrangements for the big PU event and haven't had time to keep up with things. Last week I had a flurry of letters and emails from various PU groups and associations, all expressing a keen interest in attending. I'm planning to seat together the groups from St John's Wood, Bishop's Stortford, Earl's Court and King's Cross. The next table will have members from St Andrews, St Albans and Baronscourt. I'm expecting some interaction from these two tables - the latter group may be resentful at the lack of apostrophes, who knows?

I think you should simply accept the 'PA to the PA' job and see who your new employer is when you turn up on your first day. Your previous touring experience should stand you in good stead, but if there are any personality clashes I Don't Want To Talk About It.
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grunger

13th June 2019, 17:21
Malone

Yes it's a good idea to keep the Barons away from the Earls and Bishops. I have seen them squabbling in the House of Lords and you must be right that the Barons are jealous of the apostrophe.

I am pleased you have not invited any Kings and Queens. I never know when to put an apostrophe in Kings Cross, Queens school etc. I was once ticked off by the Head of a Queen's School for omitting the apostrophe in a report sent to the press.

Thank you for your advice re the tour. I acted upon it and accepted the job. You were right about drug abuse being essential. They asked me and I replied that I once crushed an aspirin and they said that qualified.

They are picking me up tomorrow morning. If it is Rod, we are in Bolton tomorrow evening. If it is Rory, I don't know. I am thrilled he got into the second round so it could be anywhere.

I have signed up for 2 weeks and I will let you know how I got on. Regards G
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malone

13th June 2019, 18:49
Grunger

I was going to include King's Cross and Kings Cross in my seating plan but was beginning to suffer from apostrophitis at that point. I think the Kings and Queens (King's and Queen's) are indeed troublesome -maybe we should just get rid of them altogether? Republicanism does have its attractions at times.

I hope your first day goes well. I was delighted to hear that your aspirin experience stood you in good stead. Maybe R Stewart (whichever R Stewart) will give you a tablet tomorrow. I warn you now, today's tablets are more substantial and sophisticated and can do all sorts of things (relieving headaches isn't one).

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grunger

13th June 2019, 23:55
Malone

Yes perhaps abolishing the monarchy would have hitherto unclaimed benefits, but then we would not have gags like your "ascending the throne" one that you mentioned recently. Btw how does Her Majesty get on it when it seems rather high and she is so short?

Thanks for the advice on tablets. I will not be taking any - no pills nor those rectangular things that youngsters use for games, videos etc.

Early start tomorrow.....
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