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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the
confessional, The man said: 'Father .... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'

The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'

'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'

The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'

'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'

'And what is that?' asked the priest.

'Should I tell her the war is over?''

This is a sort of vampire thread, isn't it? Every time you think it's dead, someone leaves the door open and it creeps out of the crypt.

Ah yes, but it's only a few who know where to look for it!

Maybe just like sanctuary in Logans Run (remember that?)

For Helena:-

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Asda . Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.


Police stop a Pakistani in his transit on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says "hear that - 3 of you have got to get out".


4 illegal immigrants were suffocated in the back of a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.


Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "B*lls to that" said Paddy "that's the last time I go lion dancing"


63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .

Is Helena a fan of Bernard Manning?

Celadon: your Tesco lorry 'joke' is appalling - it's simply sick. You might think it funny but don't expect us to share/approve your way of thinking.

Yeah. Absolutely appalling. On a par with:

What's the difference between a dead Pakistani and a dead hedgehog on the motorway? Answer. There are no skid marks in front of the Pakistani.

I'm entirely with Robtherich on this one - bearingin mind that you have no idea Celadonof the nationality or ethnic background of anyone using this site - including Helena. And we thought Dawn was bad!

Thank you, anniec: I was beginning to think I'd stumbled on a chapter of the BNP.