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john (from arran)

31st March 2010, 22:57
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single £1 Coin that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the £1 as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco Super Store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

... the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who
immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ..








'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO!'
771 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

1st April 2010, 09:36
Are those who jump off a Paris bridge in Seine?
772 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

3rd April 2010, 09:13
THIS IS NO JOKE

IF A PERSON CALLED SIMON ASHTON (SIMON25@HOTMAIL.CO.UK ) CONTACTS YOU THROUGH EMAIL DON'T OPEN THE MESSAGE. DELETE IT BECAUSE HE IS A HACKER!!

TELL EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST BECAUSE IF SOMEBODY ON YOUR LIST ADDS HIM THEN YOU WILL GET HIM ON YOUR LIST. HE WILL FIGURE OUT YOUR ID COMPUTER ADDRESS, SO COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE EVEN IF YOU DONT CARE FOR THEM AND FAST BECAUSE IF HE HACKS THEIR EMAIL HE HACKS YOUR MAIL TOO!!!!!....

Anyone-using Internet mail such as Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL and so on. This information arrived this morning, Direct from both Microsoft and Norton. Please send it to everybody you know who has access to the Intern et. You may receive an apparently harmless e-mail titled 'Mail Server Report'

If you open either file, a message will appear on your screen saying: 'It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful.'

Subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC,
And the person who o sent it to you will gain access to your name, e-mail and password.

This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon. AOL has already confirmed the severity, and the anti virus software's are not capable of destroying it .

The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself 'life owner'..

PLEASE SEND A COPY OF THIS E-MAIL TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, And ask them to PASS IT ON IMMEDIATELY!

773 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

4th April 2010, 10:10
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she asks.


'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up

And says, "Mummy Mummy Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"


The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband..

Rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.

'You rotten Bitch', she screams.

'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'
774 of 1953  -   Report This Post

colin (swansea jack)

4th April 2010, 23:06
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

775 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th April 2010, 09:27
All of these are legitimate companies, who didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online name might appear!

These are not made up.
Check them out yourself!


1. 'Who Represents'is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:
www.whorepresents.com


2. 'Experts Exchange'is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than' Pen Island '.It can be found at:
www.penisland.net


4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:
www.powergenitalia.com

6.'IP computer'software, there's always:
www.ipanywhere.com

7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site:
www.speedofart.com
776 of 1953  -   Report This Post

n rengaswamy

5th April 2010, 12:46
The maker does not want it.
The buyer does not use it;
The user does not see it;
What is it?
777 of 1953  -   Report This Post

the count

5th April 2010, 12:53
But I do!
778 of 1953  -   Report This Post

n rengaswamy

5th April 2010, 14:03
COFFIN is the answer to poser No. 777
779 of 1953  -   Report This Post

the count

5th April 2010, 14:08
No,really?
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