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These are not my jokes, just the most current ones that are circulating the WWW.

Were you obliged to pass that stuff on? Could you not have helped to put a stop to it?

40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE....

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.......

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?" The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.



It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

If somethings neither here nor there,then where the hell is it?

ZUMA TO BUY CHERYL COLE
South African president Jacob Zuma arrived in London last night on the first leg of his bid to buy Cheryl Cole.
President Zuma, who is combining his Cole shopping with a state visit, is keen to add the newly-single Girls Aloud star to his overflowing wife basket.

Meeting Her Majesty the Queen at Buckingham Palace, the president said: "Where is Cheryl Cole? I want to make a baby with her."

He added: "It was a long flight. Bring her to me so that I may watch her jiggle before humbly asking if she would do me the honour of becoming my new favourite wife."

President Zuma currently has 33 wives and just over 28,000 children. He was accompanied to London by Wife 17, previously known as the TV presenter Maggie Philbin.

Zuma's spokesman stressed there would no consultation with Cole's estranged husband Ashley, adding: "South Africa is a modern, egalitarian society where women enjoy the freedom to move between husbands without written permission."

Concerns have been raised over the impending purchase of the nation's sweetheart by a foreign sex maniac, while experts have warned that it may become increasingly difficult to take South Africa seriously when the head of state gets off the plane with 'one of his wives'.

But Dr Nathan Muir, an anthropologist at Reading University, insisted: "The world is made up of different cultures. In some societies men think about having lots of wives and humping absolutely anything that moves, while in other societies they just get on with it."

This talk of sex maniacs has reminded me of Post 740. As an impressionable lad (at the time),when I watched Logan's Run I was concerned to know where Jenny Agutter suddenly got a pair of knickers from when she had to climb a ladder...... I know I should be ashamed of myself, you don't need to tell me.

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Irish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Irish, in the weeks that followed, an English archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Sassenach Morning Herald read:

"English archaeologists, finding traces of 130-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
communications network 30 years earlier than the Irish".

One week later, the Banffshire Courier in Buckie , Scotland , reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Enzie, Banffshire, Jock Broon, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*ck all. Jock has therefore concluded that 130 years ago, Scotland had already gone wireless."

Girls you'll love this one:-

This is an actual extract from a sex education school textbook for girls, printed in the early 60's in the UK and explains why the world was much happier and peaceful then!

When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance. your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his turn. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband's wishes: do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he approaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.

On Thursday, two German politicians told their Greek counterparts that the country should sell off its assets – art, historic buildings and islands – before accepting international aid.

George Papandreou, the Greek prime minister, was dispatched abroad, to seek the help of European leaders including Angela Merkel, the German chancellor, in addressing the country's mounting debt.


But Germany's Bild tabloid had another suggestion, calling on Greek citizens to adopt a more Germanic work ethic in an open letter to Mr Papandreou.

Dear Mr Prime Minister,

If you read this print, you’ve entered a country completely different from yours. You’re in Germany.

* Here, people work until they are 67. There is no longer a 14-month salary for civil servants.

* Here, nobody needs to pay a €1,000 bribe to get a hospital bed in time.

* Her, we don’t pay pensions for the General’s daughters who sadly can’t find husbands.

* In this country, the petrol stations have cash registers, the taxi drivers give receipts and farmers don’t swindle EU subsidies with millions of olive trees that don’t exist.

Germany also has high debts - but we can meet them.

* That’s because we get up reasonably early and work all day. Because in good times we always spare a thought for the bad times. Because we have good firms whose products are in demand around the world.

Dear Mr Prime Minister, today you are in the country that sends umpteen-thousand of tourists and money aplenty to Greece.

We want to be friends with the Greeks. That’s why since joining the euro, Germany has given your country €50bn.

For this reason, we are writing to you,

Yours,

Bild Editorial

PS In case you want to write back, we have enclosed a stamped addressed envelope.