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Sorry Terry, you are very wrong in your assumptions; I have never posted under any other guise(s).

It's only the hairs on a Gooseberry that stop it from being a Grape!

It's only the hairs on a Gooseberry that stop it from being a Grape!

It's deja vu all over again. You post a reply and nothing happens. You wait and wait, and finally decide your posting is lost forever, so you do it again. Then, both postings appear together and people think you're mad! Annoying, isn't it?

IDIOT SIGHTING #3


I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local town council office to request the removal of the "DEER CROSSING" sign on our road. She said the reason was: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

Story from Potters Bar, Herts, UK

My wife rang the Newsagent to complain most strongly (as is her wont) that the Sunday Newspaper had not been delivered.
"But, Madam" replied the Newsagent's Assistant, "To-day is Saturday, the Sunday papers do not come out until to-morrow".
There followed a long silence, until my wife sighed "So that is why there was no one in Church this morning".

While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.

The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk, asked:

"Runway too short?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."


Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."



Speeding ticket: £105.00
Court costs: £45
Look on copper's face: Priceless.

spot on that.

ABSOLUTELY NOT RACIST.

An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife He immediately dials 999.

Irishman: ''It's me wife! I've accidentally shot 'er & I tink I've killed 'er!''

Operator: ''Please calm down, Sir; can you first make sure she is actually dead!''

[*click*] [*BANG!*]

Irishman: ''Okay, done that. What next?''

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones you served yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,
'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins'.