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Humorous Business signs

Sign over a Gynaecologist' s Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

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In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

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On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

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On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

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On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

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At a tyre Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

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At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

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On an Electrician' s truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

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In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

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On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

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At an Optometrist' s Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the

right place."

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On a Taxidermist' s window:

"We really know our stuff."

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On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

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At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

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In a Vet's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

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At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment..

However, if you don't, you will be."

************ ** ************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

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And don't forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

************ ********* *

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises

Answer to Poser 785. It is Elementary. Find out the lowest number that will be divisible by numbers 1 t0 10, using LCM (L0west common Multiple) which you studied in school. Any number that is divisible by 10,9,8,7 will we be divisible automatically by 2,3,4,5 and 6. So LCM of 10,9,8, and 7 is 2*5*9*4*7 = 2520 which is the lowest number that will be divisible by all the numbers from 2 to 10.
So one number less i.e. 2519 will always leave a remainder which will be one number less than divider. Very simple is n't it!

A very old one but perhaps our younger readers (are there any?) haven't seen it before.
In a bag are three counters, one double sided white, one double sided black, and the third white one side, black the other. Take one out in blind draw and place it on your desk. The surface you can see is black. What colour is the hidden surface more likely to be, black or white?

Er - grey???

Does anyone know why the makers of cheap jeans always cut them so badly? If the makers of expensive jeans can cut them to fit humans, why can't the cheap makers copy the cut? Is it a legal requirement that cheap jeans must not fit a normal human body? Is it a conspiracy? I blame the Government!

bees will be reading each political party's manifesto to see if is included and that's where my vote goes.

Just have a peep on the forum to see if its safe yet, but its Thursday when the trolls come out.

Everything that is made abroad appears to be several sizes askew. Ordered some trainers a few months ago on 'tinternet (size 8), when they arrived my nephew who is size 6 couldn't get them on.

BROWN DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO REALISING WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM.
GORDON Brown has taken another small step towards finally realising what's wrong with him, it emerged last night.
As the prime minster began to accept a limited degree of responsibility for the financial crisis, experts said he could now be just days away from a catastrophic episode of horrifying self-awareness.

Political psychiatrist, Dr Martin Bishop, said: "It is crucially important that his family and friends are there to support him because he may now be lining up his brain for a final approach into reality airport.

"When he finally hits the tarmac they are going to have to speed towards him in the fire engines of consolation, before drenching him with the thick, white foam of love and understanding."

Dr Bishop warned that Mr Brown could now be on the verge of accepting responsibility for selling Britain's gold reserves at the bottom of the market, destroying the private pension system while protecting the pensions of the people who vote for him, under-equipping British soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq, using taxpayers money to save the Labour Party from bankruptcy and generally spending his entire career being a lying, manipulating, self-absorbed thug who has tried to smear and destroy every one of his opponents.

He added: "If each of these realities hit him in rapid succession, his psyche could then begin to collapse in on itself.

"That's why those closest to him must be on hand to try and prevent what will basically be the psychological equivalent of the Gestapo torturer whose face gets melted at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

"Actually, on second thoughts, don't - I really want to see that."

Long ago when people cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

I blame them North of the Border who invented it!

i see "ids of March" have become "April Fools", I think that Care in the Community is not working judging by some of the posts on the Forum