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Why are all those people in South Africa making so much noise about blowing vulgar sailors?

I thought they were vulva sellers...

Maybe they're blowing Venezualans?

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the paper shop.

As he waited, he was approached by a man called Terry who asked...

"Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied...

"Just go straight down this street and turn to your right."

Terry thanked the boy kindly and said...

"I'm the new vicar in town. I'd like you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle...







"Hey, come on. You don't even know the way to the f.....g Post Office."

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their arse. The results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their arse is too fat ....

10% of women think their arse is too skinny....

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

I bought one of those books "how to improve your memory"------------I just wish I could remember where I put it

if a shop sells toilets does that make it a convenience store?

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance on Sunday was completely
s**t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

To ensure a heroes' welcome for the returning England squad and their manager, officials at the FA arranged for their flight from Johannesburg to be diverted to Glasgow.

Lawyer With a Heart

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.'

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us, also.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But Sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind.'
'Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.


The grass is almost a foot high!'