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I don't know about you lot, but mine is going to be made from cardboard and I'm going to paint it myself with pictures of LWB Landrovers and suchlike. Just hope I remember to get it in time.

Sorry if some aren't new,
... A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

... Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

... Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

... Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

... A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

... A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

... Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

... Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

... Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

... Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

... When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

... A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

... What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

... Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

... In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

... She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

... A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

... If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

... The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

... You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

... Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

... Every calendar's days are numbered..

... A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

... A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

... He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

... A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium
At large.

... Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

... Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..

... Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

... Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Nice one Iris, several that I've not seen before.


Celadon

Hi John,

Is the Landrover obsession a Leo/Virgo thing. Still dream about my series II.

A simple mathematics question.
What is the significance of the number "2519"? The answer is:
This is the smallest number which when divided by 10 leaves a remainder of 9
when divided by 9 gives a remainder of 8, when divided by 8 gives a remainder of 7,
When divided by 7 leaves 6 as remainder, when divided by 6 leaves 5 as remainder,
when divided by 5 leaves 4 as remainder, when divided by 4 leaves 3 as remainder,
when divided by 3 leaves 2 as remainder and when when divided by 2 leaves 1 as remainder.
Interesting! is n't it? Now the question is how do you arrive at the number?

Humorous Business signs

Sign over a Gynaecologist' s Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

************ ********* *****

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

************ ********* *****

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

************ ********* *****

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

************ ********* *****

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

************ ********* *****

On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

************ ********* *****

At a tyre Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

************ ********* *****

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

************ ********* *****

On an Electrician' s truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

************ ********* *****

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

************ ********* *****

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

************ ********* *****

At an Optometrist' s Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the

right place."

************ ********* *****

On a Taxidermist' s window:

"We really know our stuff."

************ ********* *****

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

************ ********* *****

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

************ ********* *****

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

************ ********* *****

In a Vet's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

************ ********* *****

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment..

However, if you don't, you will be."

************ ** ************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

************ ********* *****

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

************ ********* *****

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

************ ********* *****

And don't forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

************ ********* *

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises

Answer to Poser 785. It is Elementary. Find out the lowest number that will be divisible by numbers 1 t0 10, using LCM (L0west common Multiple) which you studied in school. Any number that is divisible by 10,9,8,7 will we be divisible automatically by 2,3,4,5 and 6. So LCM of 10,9,8, and 7 is 2*5*9*4*7 = 2520 which is the lowest number that will be divisible by all the numbers from 2 to 10.
So one number less i.e. 2519 will always leave a remainder which will be one number less than divider. Very simple is n't it!

A very old one but perhaps our younger readers (are there any?) haven't seen it before.
In a bag are three counters, one double sided white, one double sided black, and the third white one side, black the other. Take one out in blind draw and place it on your desk. The surface you can see is black. What colour is the hidden surface more likely to be, black or white?

Er - grey???

Does anyone know why the makers of cheap jeans always cut them so badly? If the makers of expensive jeans can cut them to fit humans, why can't the cheap makers copy the cut? Is it a legal requirement that cheap jeans must not fit a normal human body? Is it a conspiracy? I blame the Government!