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... and for the first post in the final run up to 400 messages we have this tale:

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with He could fix anything.
Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.
He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman"

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his @*&!^# widow!

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Hope this one isn't too old for you!
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin,orders three pints of guinness and sits in the back of the room,drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finished all three,he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The barman says to him"You know,a pint goes flat after I draw it.It would taste better if you bought one at a time"
The Irishman replies"Well you see,I have two brothers,one in America,the other in Australia and i'm here in Dublin.When we all left home,we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.
The barman admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way,ordering three pints and drinking from each in turn
One day he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes up to the bar for the second round the barman says"I don't want to intrude on your grief,but I want to offer my condolences on your great loss"
The Irishman looks confused for a moment then the light dawnsand he laughs.
"Oh,no," he says.Every one is fine.It's me......
I've quit drinking".

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey , it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at Debanhams now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000, Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure , go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£90,000.
MAN: "OK , but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh , and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £2,950,000 for it.

MAN: "Well , then go ahead and give them an offer of £2,800,000, They will probably take it. If not , we can go the extra £150,000 if it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you , too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment , mouths agape.

He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

My vicar called to see me the other day and whilst he was here he said, "Well, Colin, now that you are reaching a certain age, I ought to check that you are prepared for the Hereafter".
"Oh, no fear of that, Vicar," I replied. " I frequently visit the shop, library, the bathroom or the garage and say to myself 'Now what have I come here after'"

Know the feeling well, Colin.

That's brilliant Colin :~D

2 more just for the sake of it!

2 more just for the sake of it!

and the winner is.................

me