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"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech gear.


It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.

Correct use of capitalization is important.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

I went on Dragons Den the other night and showed them my old dads shotgun.Peter Jones said'And what's your idea?" I replied "It's a simple concept Peter,just put the money in the f?????g bag!"

Anagram of Sarah - a rash. Enough said.

soon be christmas

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."

The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats f*cking batteries like there's no tomorrow!

Q: From what may men in their fifties suffer?
A: The manopause.

Q: State one change in boys at puberty.
A: Their vices deepens.

3 men die on christmas eve.To get into heaven
ST.Peter says"You must have something on you that represents christmas."The Englishman flicks on his lighter and says its a candle.
St.Peter lets him pass.
Welshman pulls out a set of keys,jingles them and says they are bells.
St.Peter lets him pass.
The Irishman pulls out his 10 inch c***k and St Peter says,"How the f**k does that represent christmas?!
Paddy says,"Its a F*****g cracker isn't it.

GREATER Manchester will be 500 square miles of smouldering hellhole by April, say experts.
As Manchester police face cuts of 3,000 officers, many fear that the whole area could become little more than a nasal-sounding Liverpool.

Criminologist Wayne Hayes said: "It's going to be like when the levees broke in New Orleans, only instead of rainwater it'll be bandy-legged little shites with an intense, Gollum-esque desire to rob you.

"To put it into perspective, if the proposed ratio of crime to officer in Manchester is replicated across the country, most villages will be left with half a truncheon in a plastic box."

Manchester police chief Roy Hobbs has given the remaining officers special leave to say goodbye to their families and make peace with their respective gods before the workforce is reduced and they are overwhelmed.

Hobbs will then give a final rallying speech to the doomed officers from the back of a Landrover before tossing a load of Crimestoppers leaflets into the melee and heading for the Cotswolds at top speed.

He said: "I just hope our descendants can forgive us for what we are about to do here and that one day a flower can grow again in Moss Side without it being punched and then set on fire.

"But the ultimate fear is that the Manchester super-cell of thieving bastard could meet with the long established Liverpool one, creating a perfect storm of scrote that breaks free from its Northern moorings and threatens to engulf the entire country with TK Maxx tracksuits and sallow-faced burglary."