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flute

22nd October 2010, 17:17
Oh well Tel, if you won't.. (blame Trevor)

After 35 years of work in Royal Mail, a postman is preparing for retirement. On his last day he sets out on his round as usual. One family gives him a pen as a gift, another one gives him a key-chain, and at the third door, a glamorous girl appears, takes his hand and leads him straight to her bedroom where they spend two hours having the most amazing sex. After a shared shower she prepares breakfast: bacon and eggs, orange juice, and as much coffee as he can drink -then she gives him a five pound note.
On his way out he asks "Can you explain all of this to me...?!?"
The girl says: "Well, yesterday I told my husband that our postman is retiring and we need to do something special for him. All he said was 'Fuck him! Give him a fiver!' ......


But the breakfast was my idea."
931 of 1953  -   Report This Post

barbara

23rd October 2010, 00:04
Medical practitioners opinions on the proposed cuts to the British National Health Service.

The BMA has weighed in on David Cameron's health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,

while the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The ENT specialists wouldn't hear of it.The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow,

and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter....

The Podiatrists thought it was "a step forward" ; but the Urologists were pis*sed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arse*oles in London .
932 of 1953  -   Report This Post

dave cox

23rd October 2010, 03:44
how could grumpy beethoven write such wonderfull music
933 of 1953  -   Report This Post

dave cox

23rd October 2010, 03:47
how could grumpy beethoven write such wonderfull music
934 of 1953  -   Report This Post

bees

25th October 2010, 13:44
So Rooney signed a five-year deal. But he's ninety years old now!.............Sorry, got confused with Mickey Rooney - short, stumpy, way past his peak........Easy mistake to make.
935 of 1953  -   Report This Post

a pedant

25th October 2010, 15:11
Dave Cox: It's Beethoven with a capital B and wonderful with just one L. That's without getting in to a capital for the first word of a sentence, and a question mark at the end of a question...
936 of 1953  -   Report This Post

mandala

27th October 2010, 17:22
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
937 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

30th October 2010, 09:50
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
938 of 1953  -   Report This Post

teech

31st October 2010, 00:31
Fruit count as one of your 5 a day.
Sweetcorn counts as one of your 5 a day.
Dried fruit counts as one of your 5 a day. Even if you eat it fresh from the microwave.
Popcorn does not count as one of your 5 a day. Why?








I actually know the answer to this but I use it to get my students questioning 'facts' they are told and thought you'd appreciate the brainteaser nature of the question. Real answer later...
939 of 1953  -   Report This Post

trevor

31st October 2010, 00:36
is it the same as sweetcorn?
940 of 1953  -   Report This Post