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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?

Fruit count as one of your 5 a day.
Sweetcorn counts as one of your 5 a day.
Dried fruit counts as one of your 5 a day. Even if you eat it fresh from the microwave.
Popcorn does not count as one of your 5 a day. Why?








I actually know the answer to this but I use it to get my students questioning 'facts' they are told and thought you'd appreciate the brainteaser nature of the question. Real answer later...

is it the same as sweetcorn?

Yes. Popcorn is made from the kernels of sweetcorn that have got older and dried. It's the same plant, the same kernels, just different time frames.

would popcorn count if you had forgotten to eat any sweetcorn?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

This popcorn/sweetcorn thing. Does it really make any difference. As far as I can tell sweetcorn does you no good at all. It remains entirely untouched by the vigours of digestif biffidum (or whatever). Far better that your five a day comprises 3 bottles of wine and two tins of cider.

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

Well, there I was naked, hiding in a fridge........

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?