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I suffer from CDO. It's like OCD only in alphabetical order, as it should be.

Ican't understand some women.
I gave my girlfriend a great orgasm the other day.










And she only went and spat it out!

my friend was looking very tired last night.

he married a schoolteacher & she made him do it again & again - until he got it right.

I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out.
While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she
said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination.'' I said, "I haven't got an erection!"


She replied, "No, but I have!"

America's policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall. Just think how useful King Kong could have been on 11 September.

From the DM.

THE Chinese were celebrating another great leap forward today as their lives finally achieved Western levels of hellish pointlessness.
Thousands of people stuck in a 10-day long traffic jam near Beijing sounded their car horns to mark the moment China matched Europe and the US for self-defeating greed and impotent fury.

Wan Jing, an accountant, said: "I am constantly filled with anxiety, I cannot sleep and my once busy penis now flops pathetically like the neck of a recently strangled duck. It is a great victory for the wise men of the Central Committee.

"I think of my mother and father working in the fields and eating three meals a day with their family and friends before telling each other wondrous stories and drifting off to sleep. What utter morons.

"I doubt they could ever, in their wildest dreams, have imagined me sitting here going absolutely nowhere for 10 days and winding myself into a tight ball of never-ending hate - in a brand new Golf GTI!"

Yang Shao, a construction foreman, said: "Confucius would no doubt say that in finding one's way one can lose one's way. But he was just some old fucker who lived in a tree.

"The world will quake with fear at the sight of our massive jam and see that we now have the economic and technological wherewithal to completely ruin our lives."

He added: "My grandfather lived to the ridiculous age of 117 and was finally killed by a car when he was running across the road to buy some cigarettes.

"It is my dream to be the first member of my family to die of a stroke at the age of 52, preferably behind the wheel of my Audi as I plough across four lanes of world-beating rush hour traffic.

"I'd like to see Confucius come up with something clever about that."

Confucius might say:
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
OR:
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

Michael and Larry got married in California.

They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Michael's Mom and Dad's house in Corner Brook for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast
.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Michael and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'


He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'