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12 year old girl from Birmingham writes a letter to Jeremy Kyle;

Dear Jeremy;

I'm the only girl in my class that isn't pregnant. I'd like to appear on your show to find out whether its me or my brother whos infertile.

A Generation.
A familial generation is defined as the average time between a mother's first offspring and her daughter's first offspring. The generation length is 25.2 years in the United States as of 2007[2] and 27.4 years in the United Kingdom as of 2004[3]. (Wikipedia)

Or about 15 years. (Walsall pedia)

If you like oriental games e.g. Go, then:-

http://qgo.sourceforge.net/

Please take the usual precautions when downloading.

Another 12 year old girl from Birmingham writes to Jeremy Kyle.

Dear Jeremy,
I am the only girl in my class who is still a virgin. Can I come on your show and find out whether my brother is gay.

Can some-one help me with my Call of Duty; French edition ?

it just loads up and then says the only option is "SURRENDER".

The Emu

An Aussie trucker walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The trucker says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the trucker reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the trucker, 'a few years ago; I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The trucker sighs, pauses, and answers .....




'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

I've given up on my CALL OF DUTY(MODERN WARFARE)French edition and bought the American edition.

Does anybody know how to turn off "friendly fire".

An elderly couple,who were both widowed,had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends,they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding,they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances,living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?"he asked,rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently"she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment,adjusted his glasses,leaned over towards her and whispered- "Is that one word or two?"

From the D.M.

DAVID Cameron will today ask President Obama if there is any chance he could bring back Dallas.
As he embarks on his first official trip to Washington, the prime minister said Britain and the US had to be 'realistic' about the special relationship and what it could achieve on behalf of television viewers in both countries.

As the two men meet in the Oval Office, a new series of Dallas, the possibility of a Friends movie and the American version of The Office will join Afghanistan, BP and the release of the Lockerbie bomber on the list of things that neither of them can do anything about.

Writing in the Wall Street Journal, Mr Cameron insisted: "If there was to be a new series of Dallas Britain could exert a positive influence to ensure there were plenty of scenes involving JR and Cliff Barnes, rather than Sue Ellen's drunken quivering or a repeat of the Patrick Duffy bathroom resurrection debacle."

He added: "We need to stop obsessing about our relationship with America and accept that they now make better television programmes than us. They may not have a David Attenborough, but we do not have a Stargate Bananaverse, a Desperate Old Tarts or a Crime Scene: Navy Crime."

A White House spokesman said that while a new Dallas was always on the table, President Obama wanted reassurances from Mr Cameron that he would act against any British television programme that causes massive environmental damage on US soil.

He added: "After Little Britain USA we did have the USS Nimitz parked off Anglesey for a couple of weeks. And all we can say about our version of Life in Mars in comparison to yours is that at least ours wasn't over-rated."

A British Embassy source in Washington said: "The Bush presidency gave Britain a golden opportunity to lobby for the return of Dallas, but all Tony Blair wanted to talk about was oil companies and Jesus, while Gordon Brown just sat there staring at the wall."

From the D.M.

A FEW people in Britain are still getting the broadband speed that was in the advert, according to new research.
Regulator Ofcom found that as many as 37 people, mostly in urban areas, are receiving speeds of up to 20 megabytes and can download an entire film in less than the average lifespan of a cat.

The government has now warned the industry that it must stick to its pledge to continually reduce the percentage of people it is not ripping off with the most breath-taking simplicity.

Stephen Malley, a telecoms analyst at Porter, Pinkney and Turner, said: "Over a decade ago BT launched an ambitious rolling programme to dig up thousands of British roads to install fibre optic cable, before waiting for two weeks and then digging them up all over again and removing it.

"Obviously this was not about actually improving broadband speeds, it was about making people so frustrated with road works and traffic jams that they would give up their jobs and sit around at home all day playing online bingo over an incredibly poor broadband connection that bears no relation to the advert with the ginger tosspot and his piss-faced girlfriend."

But Malley said an administrative error meant that some of the fibre optic cable was left in place, resulting in more than three dozen people who had no need to call a helpline at £2.50 a second or be ground into whimpering submission by BT's Utter Fucking Bastard Department.

The UK telecoms industry has now pledged to rip out the last few remaining yards of fibre optic cable and replace it with a load of stretched-out coat hangers.

A spokesman for BT Openreach said: "These coat hangers are made from top quality Bulgarian tungsten and can run up to three bingo sites at the same time."