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franco

6th July 2010, 14:14
Italian secret for a happy marriage.

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary,
to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay
married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I'va tried to treat her nicea,
spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!
Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
840 of 1953  -   Report This Post

terry

6th July 2010, 16:06
12 year old girl from Birmingham writes a letter to Jeremy Kyle;

Dear Jeremy;

I'm the only girl in my class that isn't pregnant. I'd like to appear on your show to find out whether its me or my brother whos infertile.
841 of 1953  -   Report This Post

bees

7th July 2010, 12:15
A Generation.
A familial generation is defined as the average time between a mother's first offspring and her daughter's first offspring. The generation length is 25.2 years in the United States as of 2007[2] and 27.4 years in the United Kingdom as of 2004[3]. (Wikipedia)

Or about 15 years. (Walsall pedia)
842 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

13th July 2010, 08:54
If you like oriental games e.g. Go, then:-

http://qgo.sourceforge.net/

Please take the usual precautions when downloading.
843 of 1953  -   Report This Post

terry

13th July 2010, 11:45
Another 12 year old girl from Birmingham writes to Jeremy Kyle.

Dear Jeremy,
I am the only girl in my class who is still a virgin. Can I come on your show and find out whether my brother is gay.
844 of 1953  -   Report This Post

terry

13th July 2010, 11:57
Can some-one help me with my Call of Duty; French edition ?

it just loads up and then says the only option is "SURRENDER".
845 of 1953  -   Report This Post

john (from arran)

14th July 2010, 21:52
The Emu

An Aussie trucker walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The trucker says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the trucker reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the trucker, 'a few years ago; I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The trucker sighs, pauses, and answers .....




'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'
846 of 1953  -   Report This Post

terry

15th July 2010, 20:58
I've given up on my CALL OF DUTY(MODERN WARFARE)French edition and bought the American edition.

Does anybody know how to turn off "friendly fire".
847 of 1953  -   Report This Post

the joker

19th July 2010, 00:36
An elderly couple,who were both widowed,had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends,they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding,they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances,living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?"he asked,rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently"she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment,adjusted his glasses,leaned over towards her and whispered- "Is that one word or two?"
848 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

22nd July 2010, 08:18
From the D.M.

DAVID Cameron will today ask President Obama if there is any chance he could bring back Dallas.
As he embarks on his first official trip to Washington, the prime minister said Britain and the US had to be 'realistic' about the special relationship and what it could achieve on behalf of television viewers in both countries.

As the two men meet in the Oval Office, a new series of Dallas, the possibility of a Friends movie and the American version of The Office will join Afghanistan, BP and the release of the Lockerbie bomber on the list of things that neither of them can do anything about.

Writing in the Wall Street Journal, Mr Cameron insisted: "If there was to be a new series of Dallas Britain could exert a positive influence to ensure there were plenty of scenes involving JR and Cliff Barnes, rather than Sue Ellen's drunken quivering or a repeat of the Patrick Duffy bathroom resurrection debacle."

He added: "We need to stop obsessing about our relationship with America and accept that they now make better television programmes than us. They may not have a David Attenborough, but we do not have a Stargate Bananaverse, a Desperate Old Tarts or a Crime Scene: Navy Crime."

A White House spokesman said that while a new Dallas was always on the table, President Obama wanted reassurances from Mr Cameron that he would act against any British television programme that causes massive environmental damage on US soil.

He added: "After Little Britain USA we did have the USS Nimitz parked off Anglesey for a couple of weeks. And all we can say about our version of Life in Mars in comparison to yours is that at least ours wasn't over-rated."

A British Embassy source in Washington said: "The Bush presidency gave Britain a golden opportunity to lobby for the return of Dallas, but all Tony Blair wanted to talk about was oil companies and Jesus, while Gordon Brown just sat there staring at the wall."
849 of 1953  -   Report This Post