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I remember the old Maxim. The trouble is, I used up the last of its ammunition last Halloween, wiping out those damned Trick-or-Treaters. Does anyone know where I can get a belt?

John from A: very impressed with your view. From my window I can see a house full of women. Just my luck, it's a convent.

Bees, Take that telescope from your eye and don't get into the habit.
Colin

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night..

She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

I said, 'No' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:




'Mum, you still awake?'

Oooh, you are awful - but I like it.

Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife is lying in bed and replies "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

Charlie responds "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."

Happy New year to all at the forum,
Just arrived back in the UK after visiting warmer climes. Have spent a morning reading poser postings that I have missed. Sad to see several negative posts.
However, lets go for a magical 1000 posts in 2010.

Two Woodpeckers.

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?





After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:











Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

hole in one for that celadon.

Welcome back, sunbeam!

Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

I thought onomatapoeia was greek for a puppy that hasn't been house-trained yet.