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With Christmas fast approaching - as the supermarket shelves show - it's time to invite all PU members to this year's carol concert. In the interest of gender equality, it's actually this year's Carol/Carl Concert - CC will be used for brevity. Just a few details to be going on with...

The choir
I thought I'd got the choir all sorted and booked last week, but disaster struck. I'd arranged things over the phone and was dumbfounded today to take delivery of a quire of beautiful white paper. Yes, this confirms my ongoing aversion to homophones.

The orchestra
The world-renowned Ivor Batton has dropped all other commitments - but not his little stick - to be with us.
My old friends, Monica, Phil, Al and Roy have informed me that they've lost their Swedish tenor, Haare (fed-up playing second fiddle, apparently). This means that we will be having the Royal Philmonica, almost as good as the Royal Philharmonic.

Details of hymns and carols, catering and so on will follow...

Malone

Thats brilliant - great that you have made all the arrangements. Pity about the mix up with the choir. Incidentally, I pronounce the 2 words differently, so no homophone for me.

My singing is awful so I cant help you out there. The violin is my instrument so I will gladly deputise for Haare. Of course, I am used to playing first violin, but as it is for you, I will gladly take a minor role.

Jigjag

Thanks for your kind offer. I'm sure the orchestra will make you very welcome.

I'm still mulling over the catering plans. I'd thought of putting Grunger in charge of the mince pies, but feel I'd have to set down in writing that we don't want any meat and potato, chicken and ham, 'home-made' steak pies … and certainly not gallons of gravy.

The carol list is coming along nicely. I've included my son's very favourite one, from when he was a child - the inevitable 'While Shepherds Washed Their Socks By Night'. There's a good Scottish carol included too, 'A Wean In A Manger'. I believe there's an Essex/South London version, 'A Wayne In A Manger'.

Naturally we should have the three kings of orrey and tar, one in a taxi and one in a car.
Also Arucaria's brilliant anagram "O hark the herald angels sing the boy's descent which lifted up the world" (even though that is the job of Atlas)

Rosalind

Thanks. I'll add ' We Three Kings...' to the playlist (yes, pedants can and do move with the times). 'Hark The Herald' will be included too, that's a nice, rousing one.

That was - and still is - a terrific anagram.

Do you plan any readings? I rather like Wendy Cope's

Bl**dy Christmas, here again
Let us raise a loving cup:
Peace on earth, goodwill to men,
And make them do the washing up.

Malone

Thank you, I will certainly make the mince pies, though I tend to put rather a lot of alcohol in them. I take your point about the other stodgy stuff, perhaps leek and quinoa pie would be OK, served with mushy peas.

If there is room could you possibly fit in my favourite - Good King Wences Last Looked Out. It is the only carol I can play on the piano, if you need me, or I could sing soprano

Malone

Just to confirm that I am willing to donate modest supplies of Frankincense and Myrrh to your concert if required. Sadly my accountant, due to Elf & Safety requirements, insists that the Gold remains locked in my vault in the Cayman Islands. I am also having discussions with Scarborough Council to ascertain whether they have any donkeys which may be interested in seasonal work.

Rosalind

Seems I wasn`t the only `mixed infant` who didn`t have a clue what I was singing about!

Rosalind

Yes, we'll certainly have readings - and probably the more irreligious, the more irreverent the better! I'm not a huge fan of the Wendy Cope one, it seems quite dated in a way - I've lived all my life in households where the men have always done the washing up.

Oh Tyke

Quite. I didn't know what I was saying in assembly, either (and some would say nothing's changed). I rather fancied seeing the "Witch Art in heaven". Trespass was what you got prosecuted (whatever that might be) for. As for hymns!
I certainly wasn't a mixed infant, though. All pupils in my school had tunics 4" above knees when kneeling and sensible navy knickers.

malone
Lucky you! I will think some more about the readings