The 9 4 phrase satisfies all the conditions of the puzzle, unless I'm missing something, but I agree it's a little underwhelming as a finish.
All the more so because I've spotted a different phrase that would satisfy all the conditions in a cleverer and more unexpected way, which is to say that it's the sort of thing I'd expect from Schadenfreude; but unfortunately it requires one more change than the instruction specified. So close and yet so far! After spending some time scrutinizing the preamble and the instruction for some crucial but previously overlooked detail that would make that phrase the right one, I think I'm resigning myself to the fact that I just spotted a mirage.