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bees

2nd December 2010, 13:23
All this genuine wit and clever economics on the velocity of circulation is giving me a headache. Here's an utterly stupid Christmas cracker joke: What did the shy pebble say?
- I wish I was a little bolder.
987 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

2nd December 2010, 19:29
NORWEGIAN FIRE DEPARTMENT

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota , a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!"
988 of 1953  -   Report This Post

crypto

2nd December 2010, 20:32
A married couple had 7 children, six of which were really handsome attractive kids but the other one was the most ugly child you could ever imagine. The husband was always suspicious about who the father was of the ugly child so when his wife fell ill he decided to confront her on her death-bed.

He said 'darling we have been blessed with 7 children, six are so good-looking but one is scrawny and ugly - please tell me dear, it has troubled me for years, who is the father of that one?'

His wife plucked up courage and whispered in his ear - that one's yours!
989 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th December 2010, 01:20
Do pilots take crash-courses?
990 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th December 2010, 01:20
How many weeks are there in a light year?
991 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th December 2010, 01:21
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
992 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th December 2010, 01:22
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
993 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th December 2010, 01:24
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
994 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th December 2010, 01:24
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
995 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

5th December 2010, 01:25
If you can't drink and drive, why do pubs have parking lots?
996 of 1953  -   Report This Post