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Here is a very seasonal and topical wee joke, which J d'A may recognize as it was in the Herald a few weeks ago.
An American golfer arrived in Scotland in the winter, and asked a Scotsman, "How do you play golf in the snow? Do you paint your balls black?
"No" said the Scotsman, "we just put on extra jumpers"

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone
Cheers
S

The Fairy on the Christmas Tree.

A couple of weeks ago, when I asked my grand-daughter to help put the decorations on our Christmas Tree, she asked, “Grandpa, why do they always have a fairy on top of the tree?”
Do you know, I didn’t know the answer, so I set about trawling the internet and couldn’t find any reference to it – I even tried Oddham’s Weekly News archives without trace. Then, in an 1866 issue of Lapland Times I found the answer!
Apparently, in that year there was an epidemic of reindeer flu throughout Lapland and all Santa’s reindeer had been struck down with it. It was Christmas Eve and Santa was at his wits end, not knowing how he was going to deliver all the toys and other goodies all the elves and he had been busy making over the past twelve months. He only had one half-fit reindeer, called Rudolph, who was anything like well enough to draw his sleigh and, naturally enough, Santa was most concerned that the elves should not overload the sleigh and cause Rudolph to break down as well.
The elves were all anxious that their batch of toys should get delivered and so they all kept bringing more and more sacks full of toys and Santa had to keep turning them away. So much so, that this was the only time in living history that it had been known for Santa to lose his temper. He berated all the elves and sent them packing with a few choice words – so unlike him – but it is thought his ill temper was born of his frustration at not being able to deliver all the toys and the possibility of upsetting so many children. Then, just as he was about to set off for his third trip around the world, a fairy approached him carrying a Christmas Tree and asked Santa where she should put it.
Santa’s reply was quite unprintable....................
But we all now know why there is a fairy atop our Christmas Tree !!
Happy Christmas Everyone !!

Colin

Fnar fnar!

Aksherly, I've bunged this response in only 'cos it's shameful to find Poser of the Day at the arse end of page 2. Now, at least for a while, it's where it belongs...

look what i found lurking at the bottom of page 5, this is no place for a thread that has brought so much pleasure and/or controversy

This thread is on life support. It would be a kindness to let it go.

ok, if thats the consensus of opinion

It's not... So there.

Hear hear

Well, those who wish to see this thread survive to reach 700 will have to start thinking of things to post in it. As the old maxim says "Use It Or Lose It".

I remember old Maxim well. He'd bounce me on his knee as the samovar gurgled. Bounce, bounce. Varya would look across with her face afrown. Bounce bounce. Quicker and quicker. I never understood why he'd suddenly pass me to Varya and scuttle out of the room.