Crossword Help Forum
Forum Rules

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

'I got a cook book once', said the first, 'but I could never do anything with it.'

'Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?' asked the second.

You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and...'

BRITAIN’S cigarette addicts have confirmed that no amount of bad weather will stop them inhaling carcinogens.
With snow and sub-zero winds predicted, smokers said they would be having their fag break even if there is a cyclone with cows and buildings swirling around in it.
Sales co-ordinator Stephen Malley said: “I’m in that office for hours at a time, staring at a computer screen, hating everything about the day.
“So if you think a bit of rain, thunder or a mild blizzard will stop me going outside for a smoke, you are very much mistaken.
“And if you think I should maybe try an electronic cigarette instead, I would suggest you maybe switch to decaffeinated coffee. Yeah.”
Hospital patient Nikki Hollis agreed: “Major surgery hasn’t stopped me from enjoying hourly gaspers in the bus shelter, so I’m damned if something as paltry as 16 feet of snow is getting in my way. I am literally burning my way through all obstacles.”
Non-smoker Roy Hobbs said: “I might be likely to live a lot longer than them, but I wish I had something in my life I was that passionate about.
“They are, in their modest way, heroes.”

Hello Celadon, just spotted post number 1637. He he, ho ho, what a dopey husband! Both the wife's texts indicate she was having computer trouble. I can't see any comment indicating she responded to his very silly suggestion that she use lukewarm water to fix it. She obviously preserved his dignity by ignoring his advice, rather than let him know he was being a very silly billy. Assuming her husband hadn't gone completely and utterly barmy, she proceeded to update him on the serious, possibly terminal condition of her computer. What a sweet little story!

Good luck, Celadon. (-;

Did you ever see the film "Alien" ?
I don't think the concept of humour arose there either.

Hello syzygy, My message was meant to be a funny response to celadon's suggestion that I wouldn't like the joke. I did and my reply was an attempt to continue with the humour. Sorry you were unable to spot it. By the way, I'm not an alien! What a pity you had to be nasty.

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.

Can anybody help out with a copy of ' Heros' Cyclic Quadrilateral formula ?

Hero's formula and proof derived from CQs is here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heron%27s_formula

Thanks for that ab.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY


A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whisky over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends!