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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but he lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He instinctively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

"Oh my, I am sooo sorry." the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater, followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams, and he shares his. She listens. After she pays for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ...and stay for breakfast.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The man is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said." You are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every man you meet?"
"No," she replies... "You just happened to catch my eye."

From the DM.

THE producers of Gogglebox have confirmed that the departing Michael family will be replaced with five hooting gibbons.

The family of apes, housed in a spacious semi-detached with flowery wallpaper, will be filmed screeching and throwing faeces at a clips of various popular shows and news stories.
Producer Carolyn Ryan said: “Viewers are going to love gibbon patriarch Martin, who’s very much the dominant male who hisses and bares his teeth whenever Huw Edwards is on.
“Mum Jenny likes to sit close to the screen and pick imaginary mites off Danny Dyer during EastEnders, and the kids spend most of their time swinging around on the light fixtures and screaming.
“Plenty there for your average Gogglebox viewer to identify with.”
Martin the gibbon said: “I’m looking forward to the Downton Christmas special, though it does anger me that my wife submissively offers her inflamed hindquarters whenever Lord Grantham is on screen.
“We’re working on our own catchphrase and the favourite so far is WHOOPWHOOPWHOOOOOTWHOOPWHOOOOOOT, which we intend to use while watching Strictly.”
“If all goes well we’re hoping to work with Attenborough. The guvnor.”
If the gibbons prove popular then producers plan to introduce more animal families, with 400,000 termites already lined up to share their thoughts on The Great British Bake-Off.

The Haircut

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.”

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair ~ and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”


You're going to love the Dad's reply:








“Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went ?”.......

Very good!

...but Moses rode a motor bike - it says in the Bible (not yet located chapter and verse) "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

While we're talking about Moses, I'm not sure he did actually have long hair. Apparently he wore a wig...

Really annoying - loads of hits on Google, but they are all just referencing each other, and I haven't found one that gives the chapter and verse.


I'll have to go and look at the Bible!

Sometimes he went around with Aaron and sometimes he didn't.

I've not been able to find it. He did go on a bit, though, but I suppose he was 120 when he died.

It could be an urban legend.