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celadon

1st June 2011, 07:17
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.


While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.


As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.


The dung was actually thawing him out!


He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ...


Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.




Moral of the story:




(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.


(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.


(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
1129 of 1953  -   Report This Post

nimrod

2nd June 2011, 18:55
Came across this quote a few days ago - quite liked it, so:
"Education..... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading."
G.M. Trevelyan
1130 of 1953  -   Report This Post

sallyw

2nd June 2011, 23:17
Like it Nimrod - so very true.
1131 of 1953  -   Report This Post

.

2nd June 2011, 23:56
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very
nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel,
climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by
three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut
the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd
learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel
and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the
Mersey


1132 of 1953  -   Report This Post

nimrod

5th June 2011, 16:38
A thought for Sunday:
Can God change the past???
NIMROD
1133 of 1953  -   Report This Post

hallgreener

6th June 2011, 16:19
Q-What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A-A short, stabbing pain in the rectum.
1134 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

7th June 2011, 08:43
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
1135 of 1953  -   Report This Post

rosalind

7th June 2011, 10:02
Yer wat, whack? (Scouse)
1136 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

8th June 2011, 08:05
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
1137 of 1953  -   Report This Post

brizzer

8th June 2011, 15:56
The three friends paid £9 each, total £27 of which the shopkeeper has £25 and the guy who went for the cigars the other £2.
1138 of 1953  -   Report This Post