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celadon

21st March 2011, 12:19
There was a knock on the door this morning, I opened it and there was a young well dressed man standing there who said:

"I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the shit out of me". I've never gotten this far before."
1081 of 1953  -   Report This Post

caledon

21st March 2011, 14:21
Plant's home in one of the Orkneys. (7).
1082 of 1953  -   Report This Post

sallyw

22nd March 2011, 03:28
Ho(nest)y.
1083 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

23rd March 2011, 17:50
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her
hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there?
It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome .. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser..
" That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further... I know that place.
Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a
hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not
only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class.. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the
Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we
toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"


He said: "Who the Fuck did your hair?"
1084 of 1953  -   Report This Post

bees

23rd March 2011, 19:55
Two birds were sitting on a perch. One said "Can you smell fish?"
1085 of 1953  -   Report This Post

trevor

23rd March 2011, 20:05
Manolete,from 'the high chaparral' has died?
my thoughts are with poor Miss Victoria who loved him all along really.

Spare a thought too for Richard Burton whos missus just bought the farm.
1086 of 1953  -   Report This Post

trevor

23rd March 2011, 20:05
Manolete,from 'the high chaparral' has died?
my thoughts are with poor Miss Victoria who loved him all along really.

Spare a thought too for Richard Burton whos missus just bought the farm.
1087 of 1953  -   Report This Post

theambler

23rd March 2011, 22:17
Hi Trevor You seem to have caught The Jokers infection -- Duplicaitus ( Repitenza)
1088 of 1953  -   Report This Post

trevor

23rd March 2011, 22:21
not true.
1089 of 1953  -   Report This Post

trevor

23rd March 2011, 22:27
balls,

my last post "not true" was supposed to be post twice.

i can't even replicate my mistakes - is that good or bad?
1090 of 1953  -   Report This Post