Crossword Help Forum
Forum Rules

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Previous posting merely an holding operation.
NIMROD no place for idle thoughts or hands.
God, being totally other , cannot be proved to exist, or not exist. Which does not stop billions of folk believing that He does even though they dont know IF HE does. SO we dont know and cannot say whether GOD does exisy or not. If one thought that GOD did not exist and tried to invent HIM it would be as pointless as trying to invent BONGO BONGO LAND. When you had done it you wouldnt have because YOU COULDNT HAVE. VERY BEST WISHES NIMROD

If a man tells you that he is a liar, do you believe him?

Under Scots Law, can a man marry his widow's sister?

Just a thought for you...

Anger is a weakness.

Tolerance is a strength.

Indifference, plus a machine-gun wins every time.

p@

THEAMBLER - Yes I agree.....BUT ......
surely the key question is not whether God exists or not; but whether we can exist without creating a God in whatever form we choose in order to provide our lives with a "maker" or "prime force".... therefore providing us with a reason for our being. Is that perhaps why we have so many faiths in the world?

Pipesmoker,
Yes,only if she is necrophiliac

Or perhaps.
Do not adjust your mind.
There's a fault in reality

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

Just had to post this one:-

This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney .



The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers'yes',he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.



The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.



One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.



Anyway, here's how it all went down:



DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'



Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'



DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.' Contestant: 'Brian.'



DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'



Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'



DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First name only please.'



Brian: 'Sara.'



DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'



Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'



DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'



Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'



DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'



Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'



DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'



Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'



DJ: 'Question number 2 - How long did it last?'



Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'



DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.'



Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'



DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?



Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'



DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'



Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks...'



DJ: 'Uh huh...'



Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'



DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'



Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'



DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up.



You listen to this.' [3 minutes of commercials follow. ]



DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sara, shall we?' (Touch tones.....ringing....)



Clerk: 'Kinkos.'



DJ: 'Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?'



Clerk: 'This is she.'



DJ: 'Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'



Sara: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'



DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'



Sara: 'No.'



DJ: 'Good!'



Brian: (laughing)



Sara: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'



Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.'



DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.



Sara: (laughing) 'Yes.'



DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?'



Sara: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work'



DJ: 'What time?'



Sara: 'Around 8 this morning.



' DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'



Sara: '12, 15 minutes maybe.



' DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'



Sara: (laughing) 'Yes.'



DJ: 'Where did you have it?'



Sara: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'



Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'



DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sara?'



Sara: 'Well...'



DJ: Come on Sara.....where did you have it?



Sara: 'Up the a$$.....'



They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack, he could not stop laughing. Apparently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions