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See what information we'd have missed out on learning, if this thread were discontinued?

KK

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE THIS

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do"

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She then responded to my puzzled look by saying,
"Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!"
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
…Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.

Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?
The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
Cinderella said, 'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'
The fairy godmother replied, 'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?'
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.'
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, 'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

'Bet you're sorry now that you had my bollocks cut off'

Has anybody found a sensible use for the plethora of CD, DVD's that are given away in many publications.?

They are very handy if you go to a fancy dress party where the theme is "look like one of those natives with extended lips".

Hi Celadon.

re: CDs, DVDs etc ...

You could always http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=coasterize">coasterise them.

JimC

You can hang CD's over the seed-beds in your garden, they're supposed to scare the birds away. I'm not convinced.
Celadon, I'm shocked by 523, can we have some sublety and decorum please, this isn't AB you know!

THOUGHT 523 WAS QUITE GOOD ANYMORE.

If you have too many CDs you could always try http://www.wikihow.com/Microwave-a-CD">this for a laugh. Read the instructions carefully, especially the bit about not inhaling.

John(from Arran)
Where is the best place to buy a new microwave oven?!!!
Joker