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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage
Area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
Because she was a trained professional and
Said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. MS Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

Me either, so which one was it?
;-)

Are you jesting Busby?

I think he is, hence the ;-)

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

When youre making a blockbuster film thats set on Mars theres a lot of science to get wrong. But for The Martian a cinema adaptation of Andy Weirs self published bestseller about a lone astronaut stranded on the red planet director Ridley Scott partnered with Nasa to ensure the film was as realistic as possible.
The story is set only 14 years in the future so I thought wed start with Nasa's concepts, says Janty Yates, the films Oscar-winning British costume designer. To design the suit worn by protagonist Mark Watney (played by Matt Damon), Yates went to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and consulted the Smithsonians spacesuits curator. But Nasas designs created a problem. The Z1 is a Buzz Lightyear lookalike and the Z2 looks far too futuristic for us, she says. So she decided to create something more cinematic.
A suit worn on Mars would need to be sealed. However Yates's is as breathable as possible for the sake of the actors on baking hot 14 hour shoots in Jordan and Hungary. The suits Portable Life Support System which real-world astronauts use to process filtered air instead houses high capacity batteries. These power both a series of hidden fans that bring outside air in and the helmet's internal LED lighting which can be remotely controlled from up to 2km away. The suits hoses connect to an internal cooling system and a camera was mounted on the backpacks side.
Despite all this added tech the suit is more comfortable than the real thing (for instance the boots are removable. This spacesuit might not survive a real dust storm on the fourth rock from the Sun, but it helped the actors survive the arduous conditions of a film set. And Nasa, the next time you need some new outfits, you know who to ask.

Having discovered life giving water on Mars NASA scientists are hoping to address further questions posed by David Bowie.
NASA chief Julian Cook said I faxed David our findings last night he was satisfied that life on Mars is at least vaguely possible and we should now crack on with Where were the spiders while the fly tried to break our balls? and Is it any wonder that I reject you first?
Weve already sent a high ranking military officer called Tom into orbit and asked if he can hear us. Plus I told David the other week that I do occasionally wonder about sound and vision.
But theres still a good 45 years of musical inquiries to tackle so Ive assigned each staff member a song and told them to get on with it.
NASA engineer Joseph Turner said Mainly Ive just been Googling Where do spiders live?
Scientist Eleanor Shaw said: Im supposed to be doing Magic Dance off the Labyrinth soundtrack, but Bowie pretty much answers all the questions in that one as he goes along.
Under What babe? I’ve put The babe with the power, under What power? I’ve put The power of voodoo and under Who do? You do Do what? Ive put Remind me of the babe.

SOMEONE on Facebook has been for a big run while you were lying in bed, it has been confirmed.
It is understood they initially did not want to get up for the run, but it was worth it because they are now very proud.
The run was preceded by a breakfast consisting of carbs which are really important for someone going on a big run.
It has been confirmed the run is part of some training which may or may not culminate in the person on Facebook taking part in an even bigger run with lots of other people.
Meanwhile, people on Facebook who stayed in bed until 11am have decided not to announce that to as many humans as possible.
The big run will be eclipsed at 5pm today when someone else on Facebook reveals they spent the afternoon going up a hill on a very expensive bicycle.

12-10-15

Italy Spectre Photo Call

ACTOR Daniel Craig has discovered that playing James Bond is better than almost every other job.

After claiming he would rather slash his wrists than continue pretending to be a debonair super-spy, Craig visited his nearest Jobcentre Plus to explore alternative careers.

He said: “It took me ages to get the touch-screen computers on the ‘Jobpoint terminals’ working because they were quite dirty.

“There was a lorry driving job that looked okay, but it was miles away in Ipswich. Also it’s weird hours, I don’t have a HGV license and the salary was far less than my usual £10.7 million.

“I did see something doing soldering in a factory, it was only £8 an hour but probably my agent could negotiate £11,000 per hour plus a percentage of total factory revenue.

“But when I rang up and said my previous experience was mainly making cars jump over trains and having showers with sexy women they put the phone down.

“There were jobs going at McDonald’s, but I reckon if Monica Bellucci came in and I had the uniform on she wouldn’t fancy me any more.

“Although I suppose I could give her free chips which might impress her.”