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The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

I didn't know why she was jumping for joy. I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “Sally, I have some really great news!" I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"

Then she said, "There's more."

I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have twins

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said...



(You're going to love this!)





“That was the easy part. I went to ALDI and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”

A prospective husband in a book store "Do you have a book called, 'Husband – the Master of the House'?
Sales Girl : "Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!".

Wasn't long ago all the books attributed to Lance Armstrong about health, fitness, cycling, etc. in our local library were moved to the fiction section.

.....perhaps they should go in the re-cycling bin!

OH, THOSE FRENCHIES ARE SUCH GOOD SPORTS - coming soon to the Poser; French politically incorrect and racist jokes. You trolls have been warned .

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MARKS & Spencer is set to replace Percy Pigs with methadone at its tills.

Freely available over the counter with no questions asked, Percy Pigs have ravaged middle-class communities.

In the worst affected areas such as Guildford, parents can be seen openly scoffing the pink and purple sweets in front of their horrified children.

M&S manager Tom Logan said: “We didn’t realise the great evil we were about to unleash on the world. We will be providing methadone for anyone who wants to get clean.”

It is estimated that 0.1 percent of the UK population consumed Percy Pigs within the last calendar year, the vast majority hailing from one of the most vulnerable demographic sub-sets – those who do their food shopping at M&S.

Julian Cook, from Surrey, said: “I don’t even recognise myself any more. All I can think about is where I can get my next Percy from. And the answer is next to the posh crisps.”

Get on board with the latest craze, Percy Pig jigsaw puzzles.

http://www.harvesterfoods.com.au/ccdata/images/imageMain_62_1068.jpg

I have absolutely no idea what "Percy pigs" are - is that good or bad?


Your link reminds me of the story of the World Cup competition when David Beckham was England captain. He was looking miserable one morning, so the manager asked him what the problem was.

"I can't do this jigsaw puzzle. Look, there are the pieces, and there's the picture of the tiger, but I can't get any to fit."







"Put the Frosties back in their box, David."

Haa haa ChrisE.
Good one!!

I too had no idea about Percy Pig until my friend "google" helped me out.

Could be a rather difficult jigsaw puzzle to complete.

Good one, ChrisE.

Celadon

BRITAIN’S hard left consists of a 67 year-old former teacher who likes to collect different types of tea.

After claims the hard left was infiltrating the Labour Party, it now appears that the main threat to the capitalist system is ageing Marxist and keen gardener Martin Bishop.

Bishop said: “I strongly believe in the overthrow of the parasitic capitalist class, but ideally not on a Wednesday because that’s when I go to my over-60s Zumba class.

“The proletariat will inevitably rise up and take control of the means of production using force if necessary, but I won’t be manning the barricades myself due to prostate issues.

“Also I’m not in favour of shooting policemen because although they are agents of class oppression they did help me find my missing cat, Trotsky.”

Bishop has now been placed under surveillance in case he returns to earlier revolutionary activities such as carrying an ‘If the Tories get up your nose, picket!’ placard during an NUT strike in 1981.

An MI5 source said: “Hobbs may appear harmless but he could easily join the Labour party and vote for Jeremy Corbyn, who has hardline Stalinist policies like cheaper train fares.”