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Last year we had a garden wall built. It was a job well done.
Will it last for 60 years? I don't care as I won't be here!
However, it did keep a young self-employed young man with a growing family in work for a week.

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

Now, he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

"You know what"?

"What dear?” she asks gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

Celadon, you will probably get pilloried, or worse, for that.
Good one.

I made my girlfriend's dreams come true and married her in a castle. You wouldn’t have thought it though from the miserable look on her face as we were bouncing around!

Must have been expensive, with inflation the way it is these days.

Don't you ever let her down!

It's my 35th wedding anniversary this year. It only seems like yesterday, I wish it was tomorrow......I'd cancel it!

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him.

Why do parents come out of baby change rooms with the same one?

Nice one busby.

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ENGLISH men are not as good at playing football as English women, it has been confirmed.

As the England women reached the World Cup semi-finals – a feat not achieved by their male counterparts for 25 years – English men must now defer to ladies on anything to do with football.

Fan Martin Bishop said: “I’ve spent my whole life deriding women’s football, but it is now an undeniable fact that they are better at it than we. I suppose I feel cheated.”

He added: “Now, before I tweet an opinion about the latest transfer news for example, I have to run it past my wife and daughter first.

“So far they have been dismissive and rather mean.”

FA Chairman Greg Dyke said: “For English teams, competing in major tournaments is all about trying to wipe out years of ‘hurt’.

“As our best national side right now, the Lionesses must shoulder the burden of the men’s 49 years of hurt, as well as their own 24 years of hurt.

“That’s a grand total of 73 years of hurt which will be instantly eradicated if they actually win this thing.

“No pressure.”