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Thanks Syzygy,

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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
£ 10,120.00

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"?

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"

Trick question on a chemistry test:

Q: How many atoms in a bowl of guacamole?

A: Avocado's number.

Celadon #1762, how much? Does that include levitation?

:) syzygy!

"The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you." ~ Issac Asimov

From the DM.

A SELFIE stick emblazoned with the Coke logo more or less sums up where we are as a society, it has been confirmed.

Experts agree that a branded plastic rod that assists the narcissism of cretins is the perfect symbol for humanity in 2015.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Civilizations of the past left their mark on the world by building great cities, or awe-inspiring monuments, or taming their natural environment.”

“We, by contrast, think the height of cultural achievement is to take pictures of our idiot faces while simultaneously advertising a corporate behemoth that hawks brown sugary piss.

“It’s not exactly the Colossus of Rhodes, is it?”

27-year old Tom Booker from Bedford said: “I used to worry that I would never be able to express who I was to future generations. But thanks to my Coca-Cola selfie stick, posterity will understand that I am a preening simpleton in hock to consumerism and vanity.”

From the Rhodes Herald, 280BC
“A great big self-glorifying statue made from treasure left behind by somebody else more or less sums up where we are in our so called “modern” society.
We’ve wasted twelve years of money and effort that could have gone to building a decent harbour on a vanity project, a great lump of bronze and rock telling the world how great we are because we beat the Macedonians. As if that wasn’t bad enough it’s a statue of our “current fave” Helios. Can’t see him being around for long.
How vain are we in this modern era that all we can do is pat ourselves on the back with a giant work of what passes for modern “art”. All this in an earthquake zone, I ask you. It won’t last 60 years, you mark my words.”

Haha, ab.

The total cost of the Millennium Dome, now reckoned to be about £1billion http://www.propertyforum.com/property-in-the-uk/212-the-rise-and-fall-of-the-o2-arena-formerly-known-as-the-millennium-dome.html
Would have paid for several hospitals and schools (or paid off a tiny bit of our national debt) and I doubt very much if it will last even 60 years.