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As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"

Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

WooWoo!!! Celadon...your back!!!

Good news indeed...

I have not been around for a couple of days, so it was a loverly surprise to "see" you.

Thinking of a good "post".

p@ x

My favourite newspaper headline

METHODIST OPTICIAN's STOLEN KISS

which was on the poster outside a shop in Cornwall. I had to buy the paper- turned out the poor man had been overcome and pecked the patient on the cheek.Unfortunately it cost him his business.

COMPARING THE PRICE OF PETROL
THIS WILL MAKE YOU THINK!

Compared with Petrol......
Think a gallon of petrol is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Apple Juice 16 oz £1.29 ......10.32 per gallon.
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz £1.19 £9.52 per gallon.
Ocean Spray 16 oz £1.25 .. £10.00 per gallon.
Brake Fluid 12 oz £3.15 .. £33.60 per gallon.
Pepto Bismol 4 oz £3.85 . £123.20 per gallon.
(White out)7 oz £1.39 ..... £5.42 per gallon.

And this is the REAL KICKER.
Evian water 9 oz £1.49 ….. £21.19 per gallon.
£21.19 for WATER and the buyers don’t even know the source.
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

You don’t even want to compare it with perfume or after shave.
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?

So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at
(you won’t believe it ..... but it is true)

£5,200 per gal ... (five thousand two hundred pounds)
So, the next time you’re at the pump, be glad your car doesn’t run on water, or Tippex, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or, God forbid, Printer Ink!

SIGN IN A SHOP WINDOW.

'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!'


This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in

CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.


After all, it is ONLY A SIGN.

You may say 'What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?'


Answer:

A FUNERAL PARLOUR.


(WHO SAID SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!!!

= God Bless Scotland =

It was hard where I grew up. Every night gangs would drag me down an alley, cover me in chocolate, stick sponge and cherries on my body and cover my head with cream and sprinkles. Yes, life was tough in the gateau!!

Makes me laugh anyway!

it was even tougher for me. we were so poor that if I didn't wake up with a hard on on xmas day I wouldn't have anything to play with.

Is www.optrex.co.uk a site for sore eyes?

what was in your stocking fillers?

At the last Olympic Games an athlete was asked by a TV reporter..."Are you a pole-vaulter"?
The athlete replied..."No,I'm German but how did you know my name was Walter"?