Crossword Help Forum
Forum Rules

Very good!

IRISH travelling folk will today reaffirm their ancient, mystic right not to have planning permission for their houses.
As Basildon Council begins the process of enforcing the same laws which allow feminist eco-homes, the families of Dale Farm defended their traditional, ethnic practice of building a horrid little bungalow in the middle of a field.

Declan O'Reilly said: "Since the time of King Arthur we have been travelling the countryside, dispensing wisdom and good luck while keeping an eye out for a sweet land deal and then doing whatever the fuck we want.

"People round here hate us because we're so different and magical."

But local resident Martin Bishop said: "No, it's because you don't have planning permission. I wanted to build an extension but got turned down. I asked the council what would happen if I built it anyway and they said they would demolish it. I asked them if that was the law and they said I simply would not believe the extent to which that was the law."

Bishop added: "I also wanted to set up a siren testing facility right next to Dale Farm, but I couldn't get planning permission."


A council spokesman said: "There have been claims the travellers didn't know much about planning laws in which case they're probably a bit confused as to why there aren't houses absolutely everywhere.

"But one of them has a huge, two-year old Jag so we're guessing they're not that confused."

Another local resident, Jane Thompson, said: "I've got nothing against people who roam the countryside while not leaving a horrible mess and being really nice to everybody. I would gladly grant them planning permission in my heart.

"But some of them have been at Dale Farm at least 10 years. Forgive me for saying so, but they don't seem to be very good at travelling."

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her slowly then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
His left eye is still swollen, but the doctor has informed him that he is likely to see things much clearer in the future.

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?” His father replied, “Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.” Larry, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the Milkman wants to buy Mom ......”

Has anybody else had one of these?

BBC ONLINE LOTTERY PROMOTION BOARD
B.B.C LOTTERY PAYOUT OFFICE
National Lottery Results.
200 Harrogate England,UK
draw no. 1644 10 16 29 34 37 47 BONUS 31
http://www.bbc.co.uk/lottery/

Saturday September 24th
draw no. 1644 10 16 29 34 37 47 BONUS 31

Dear Beneficiary
This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of Eight

hundred thousand Great Britain Pound Sterlings (800,000.00GBP)

from the
National Lottery promotion which is organized by BBC NATIONAL

LOTTERY.

We Congratulate you for being one of the five person selected.
The draw no. 1644 brought out your e-mail address from a Data Base

of Internet Email Users and qualified you a bonafide winner of the

stated winning amount.
How ever you will have to fill and submit the informations below to

the Claims Manager
1. Full name..............
2. Contact Address........
3. Age. ...................
4. Telephone Number. ......
5. Sex.... ................
6.Occupation..............
7.State:..................
8.Country................
Claims Manager
Mr. Robert burke

IRISH DIESEL FITTER
Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..'

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious.. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.'

'What skill?' yelled Paddy. 'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.'

Why men shouldn’t be Agony aunts.

Dear Phil
I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car
stalled and wouldn’t start.
I walked back to my house and found my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter.
They announced that the affair had been going on for two years.
Can you help me…I’m desperate.

Dear Reader
The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel lines. Hope this helps.
Phil.

Regretfully, this shall be the last 'poser'; as contributions have been drying up for some time now I feel that it has run its course. I sincerely hope that it has provided some education (sic), and amusement to the forum. I would like to thank all the members whom have contributed to the 'poser'.

Celadon.

Just received this:-

Hello My Friend,

Please don't be shocked or suprised. My name is Khamis Gaddafi I am the youngest son of Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, and the military commander in charge of the Khamis Brigade of the Libyan army. It was rumoured that i have been killed during the war, first on 20 March 2011,, when several sources reported that i had been killed by a fighter pilot carrying out a kamikaze mission against the Bab al-Azizia compound Then on 5 August 2011, a rebel spokesman claimed i had been killed in an airstrike, though this was denied by Moussa Ibrahim, the spokesman for my Father,(Gaddafi regime).Most recently the rebels claimed that i died on 29 August 2011 when a NATO helicopter destroyed the car i was travelling in, but this was denied by the Libyan state television the following day 30 August and later reports suggested that i was still alive.

Please kindly keep this information secret because i was actually wounded by the NATO helicopter air strike and i am presently receiving treatment in a private Hospital here in South Africa .My purpose of contacting you is because i need your cooperation to move a trunk boxes weighing 2500 kilogramme of Gold and another trunk boxes weighing 1118 kilogramme containing 120 million united states dollars to your country over and your share shall be 25% of everything,please kindly keep secret because i do not want to be exradited back to Libya.

The trunk boxes are kept in private security and Vault company because most of our family fund in united Kingdom,USA,Swizterland,France,Germany and the rest of western Government has been freezed by the western Countries because of thier support for the NTC of the rebel.The rest of my families are seeking refuge in Algeria with the help of my Father's friend,President Abdelaziz Bouteflika

I want to know if you can really be trusted then i can reveal the contacts and how the boxes can be shipped to you over there .When you confirm to me that the boxes has arrived i shall make a move to meet you over there .If you are interested,firstly i want you to look for House for me in a nice and cool environment and tell me how much that cost. Once again please kindly keep secret because the rebel Government must not know that that i am still alive and they must not know my wherabout.

Celadon...love your thread! Have done for about a year now!

Ohh...I should have a first birthday PARTY!

Need to think of a good one to post...

We...the Persiflages should make more of your excellent commodity .....

Kissypoos

ps yes! Too much way, Too much wine!

Well...look what I found.

Wonder how Celadon is doing?

Anybody know?

p@