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celadon

29th May 2011, 09:44
Thanks to all whom have contributed whilst I have been away.

Unbelievable!!!!!

I bet this will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Can you imagine working for a company that only has a little more than 635 employees, but, has the following employee statistics.

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

9 have been accused of writing bad cheques

17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year and collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British tax payer £92,993,748 in expenses!!!

Which organisation is this? It's the 635 members of the House of Commons. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line. What a bunch of b ***** ds we have running our country - it says it all...And just to top all that
they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country!!!

If you agree that this is an appalling state of affairs, please pass it on to everyone you know
1127 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

31st May 2011, 06:42
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'


The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece..
1128 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

1st June 2011, 07:17
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.


While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.


As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.


The dung was actually thawing him out!


He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. ...


Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.




Moral of the story:




(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.


(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.


(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
1129 of 1953  -   Report This Post

nimrod

2nd June 2011, 18:55
Came across this quote a few days ago - quite liked it, so:
"Education..... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading."
G.M. Trevelyan
1130 of 1953  -   Report This Post

sallyw

2nd June 2011, 23:17
Like it Nimrod - so very true.
1131 of 1953  -   Report This Post

.

2nd June 2011, 23:56
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very
nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel,
climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by
three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut
the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd
learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel
and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the
Mersey


1132 of 1953  -   Report This Post

nimrod

5th June 2011, 16:38
A thought for Sunday:
Can God change the past???
NIMROD
1133 of 1953  -   Report This Post

hallgreener

6th June 2011, 16:19
Q-What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A-A short, stabbing pain in the rectum.
1134 of 1953  -   Report This Post

celadon

7th June 2011, 08:43
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
1135 of 1953  -   Report This Post

rosalind

7th June 2011, 10:02
Yer wat, whack? (Scouse)
1136 of 1953  -   Report This Post