Crossword Help Forum
Forum Rules

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know?
He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning,can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Dear me, talk about Dyson with death.

The FA have been investigating Wayne Rooney's foul-mouthed celebration at the weekend. He looked into a camera and shouted, "Fuck off! What? Fuck off!"

They have found that he was just having an argument with his own reflection.

Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week, all the forms will be printed in English.

This should help you with the forth-coming referendum. From the D. M.

What is the alternative vote?
Under the AV system, voters rank candidates in order of height before ranking them again in order of stench.

The candidate with the most points goes through to round three where he must beat a pair of local schoolchildren in a Blockbusters-style quiz.

If he fails then the second-placed candidate takes on the children and if successful then goes on to wrestle a kangaroo.

The fifth round involves defusing a live feminist before the clock reaches zero and in the sixth and final round they have to sing a song in front of an audience of easily unimpressed Glaswegians.

Whoever makes it through all six rounds then gets to treat you like a child while stealing your money.

Two 90 year olds have been dating for a while, and decide to have sex.
As they lay there afterwards the man thinks to himself... "My god if I'd known she was a virgin I'd have been more gentle."
The woman also somewhat in a state of shock lay there thinking "My god if I'd known the old boy could actually get it up I'd have taken my tights off".

If you take a laptop computer for a run would it jog your memory ?

if you a wall with the words"WET PAINT"why touch it? why is a boxing ring so called,as its square.