(Not an entry but a relevant joke;)
An American tourist gets lost on the Yorkshire moors after being mugged. He finds his way to a village and ends up in a pub called the George and Dragon. He explains to the landlady that he has been robbed of all his money and could she please let him have a beer? She flat out refuses. He then begs for a lemonade instead, to which the answer is still "no". Finally and in despertion he asks for a simple glass of water. "NO!" is the emphatic answer. So he asks "Can I speak to George?"...