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The preamble is misleading - only the DOWNS are real words (apart from 2 ACROSSES coincidentally). Or am I missing something really obvious?

If you are then so am I.

It would take a lot to make the acrosses into real words again (although moving bars would help in quite a few places).

I have e-mailed the EV Editor about this dilemma/enigma and this is his reply.

"Thanks for your query in this puzzle. Having read the preamble and checked the solution grid, I believe that only down entries are real words. I hope that helps."

Thanks for that, DocHH. It would have been so much better if the mistake in the wording had been picked up BEFORE publication!

Thanks DocHH, I could have been staring at that grid all night.

Not a problem. The EV Editor is very approachable in respect of resolving queries, viz ambiguities in the rubric. and other issues, but not solutions to clues. All you need to do is e-mail him.

I just cannot figure these out.

Wordplay misses a letter wherever it occurs.

16. Sailor that is aboard vessel tried to gain someone's friendship (8, two words)
?O?EEU? D is missing in wordplay.

31. Fabulous swimmers attempt loch on edges of moor (9)
MR?O?L E is missing 3 times

Thanks

16a your first E is wrong sunray (8d is thematic, that could be your problem).

31 is a mixed-sex bunch of folk with fishy tails.

...the 'vessel' in the first is CUP - the 'attempt' in the second is POP.