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SOMEONE on Facebook has been for a big run while you were lying in bed, it has been confirmed.
It is understood they initially did not want to get up for the run, but it was worth it because they are now very proud.
The run was preceded by a breakfast consisting of carbs which are really important for someone going on a big run.
It has been confirmed the run is part of some training which may or may not culminate in the person on Facebook taking part in an even bigger run with lots of other people.
Meanwhile, people on Facebook who stayed in bed until 11am have decided not to announce that to as many humans as possible.
The big run will be eclipsed at 5pm today when someone else on Facebook reveals they spent the afternoon going up a hill on a very expensive bicycle.

12-10-15

Italy Spectre Photo Call

ACTOR Daniel Craig has discovered that playing James Bond is better than almost every other job.

After claiming he would rather slash his wrists than continue pretending to be a debonair super-spy, Craig visited his nearest Jobcentre Plus to explore alternative careers.

He said: “It took me ages to get the touch-screen computers on the ‘Jobpoint terminals’ working because they were quite dirty.

“There was a lorry driving job that looked okay, but it was miles away in Ipswich. Also it’s weird hours, I don’t have a HGV license and the salary was far less than my usual £10.7 million.

“I did see something doing soldering in a factory, it was only £8 an hour but probably my agent could negotiate £11,000 per hour plus a percentage of total factory revenue.

“But when I rang up and said my previous experience was mainly making cars jump over trains and having showers with sexy women they put the phone down.

“There were jobs going at McDonald’s, but I reckon if Monica Bellucci came in and I had the uniform on she wouldn’t fancy me any more.

“Although I suppose I could give her free chips which might impress her.”

Good to see you back, celadon!

Thank you Chrise - after 12 rejected posts ( even after editing out the punctuations - which incidently made very poor reading ), I was on the verge of completely giving up. Let's hope that all the the big hitters out there receive Norahs message.

FACEBOOK’S small tax bill means it is eligible for a range of benefits for people on low incomes, it has emerged.

After paying just £4,327 in tax, suggesting an income of around £20,000, the company says it is struggling to make ends meet and has been forced to apply for housing benefit, winter heating allowance and a bus pass.

Founder Mark Zuckerberg said: “I should get £700 a year in working tax credits. That may not sound much, but it’s a lifesaver when you’re on a low income.

“It felt odd going to a food bank but I’m glad I did because there was probably 15 quid’s worth of food in the box, which is not to be sneezed at.”

Zuckerberg said Facebook had also received a hardship loan from the Job Centre, several thousand free eye tests for its employees and a reconditioned fridge from a local charity.

Facebook user Donna Sheridan said: “I’ve set up a Facebook page called ‘Give some money to Facebook’. It’s the least I can do after they let me put up all those pictures of cakes.”

The sound of a whip cracking is a mini sonic boom; the loop traveling along the whip continues to gain speed until it reaches the speed of sound and breaks the sound barrier.

10 things you didn’t know you could do with Google

1. Set a timer. Type minutes/hours followed by the word timer.
2. You can draw letters instead of typing them in Google Translate. Useful when you don’t have the specific letter on your keyboard.
3. Play Zerg Rush by typing zerg rush into the search field.
4. Google food1 vs food2 to compare calories and more.
5. Type tip calculator which tool will help you calculate how much tip you should give.
6. Ngram viewer. Compare how popular words are through the history.
7. Learn how to pronounce massive numbers by typing the number followed by =english.
8. Play Atari Breakout by typing atari breakout on Google Images.
9. Browse art using Google Cultural Institute.
10. Browse old Google Doodles.

Sneezing in response to bright light exposure (such as stepping out into the sunshine after sitting in a dark theater) is called photic sneeze reflex; not only is the trait inherited genetically, but your genes even determine how many times you’ll sneeze in response to the light.

Interestingly enough, its also known as photoptarmosis autosomal dominant compelling helio ophthalmic outburst syndrome (ACHOO)...seriously!

Old Irish proverb......

Snuff at a wake is fine if there's nobody sneezing over the snuff box.


Back to the serious stuff:-

CHINA has agreed to build nuclear power stations in Britain that can be detonated from Beijing.

The first station, at Hinkley Point in Somerset, will be followed by a chain of other power plants built at sites of strategic importance, military bases and in major population centres.

President Xi Jinping said: “This is so much more cost-effective than maintaining ICBMs and warheads, and really reduces on delivery times.

“We have the option of simply cutting off power to Britain for minor infractions, and for more serious displeasure I set off a chain of 30-megaton explosions reducing the UK to ash without even leaving my office.

“Best of all, the problem of how to deal with nuclear waste is a lot less thorny when it is 5,000 miles away.”

The prime minister has reassured the public that the power stations will be operated and run by the French, who would never let anything happen to Britain.