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urban myth !
http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/823-years.html

Thanks for that jazzgirl - thought for a moment that I had lost the plot !

Well spotted Jazzgirl; Shall not be buying any lottery tickets in August!

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Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says: "I think I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks: "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies: "No I only live round the corner.

It's OK Celadon. This is still my favourite thread,

Only stupid and crass people like Celadon think racist jokes are acceptable.

It is only a matter of time before it happens in the UK.

Semicolon Tattoos Have Become a Powerful Symbol For the Mental Health Community

It's very difficult to talk about mental health in the U.S., so a new campaign called Project Semicolon has set out to present "hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction and self-injury." The movement encourages people to tattoo or draw a semicolon on their bodies in support of the message.

What's the significance of the semicolon? “A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to,” the project site reads. “The sentence is your life and the author is you.”

I saw a sign outside an Irish Restaurant "5 Course Meal £20" so I went in.
Turns out it was 4 pints of Guinness and a potato.

Why do Aussies wear "flip flops"
"Cause they still can't tie shoe laces.

Twerk.....where a Yorkshire man goes from Monday till Friday

"A top Mexican drug lord has tunneled his way to freedom from prison," said a mole close to the source.

The Greek Government is getting so desperate, it is starting to respond to emails from Nigerian millionaires

That might be enough "racist" jokes for now ;-)

Outstanding Busby.

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POLICE in Manchester have warned football managers to be vigilant following a daring swindle yesterday. 
The swindler, going by the name of ‘Brenda’ and described as short, in his early 40s and almost supernaturally self-confident is thought to have swindled an elderly Chilean in Manchester. 
A police spokesman said: “The victim was told he was buying £49m worth of quality goods but on closer inspection it appeared to be a Shaun Wright-Phillips knock-off with no guarantee.
“It’s particularly distressing that this was a vulnerable older gent who just two years ago was cheated out of £25m for a worthless Jovetic. 
“There seems to be a rash of these crimes at the moment – down the road at Old Trafford a Dutch pensioner asked us for advice on buying what appears to be German goods five years past its sell-by date.”
The motive for Sunday’s robbery is thought to be malicious as well as financial, with the main suspect previously involved in a Balotelli deal that went badly wrong. The police have warned the public not to approach him as he’s believed to be carrying a Lovren.
Other managers have been advised to mark their players with a UV pen and photograph them wearing the club shirt, to prevent them falling into the hands of Aidy Ward.
Logan said: “Sunday’s victim is trying to make the best of things but all too often such goods are sold off two years later for a massive loss. Usually to Harry Redknapp.”

MANLY but sensitive tree surgeons are making too many women fall in love with them, it has been claimed.

Researchers found that 82 per cent of the UK’s female population currently has feelings for trees surgeons, who are strong and brave but also know about nature.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “‘Tree surgeon’ isn’t so much a real job as a contrived female fantasy.

“But those men are getting so much romance that practically everyone else is being excluded.”

Office manager Helen Archer said: “They have chainsaws, and they are also clever enough to know the latin names of things. I’m in.”

25-year-old tree surgeon Joseph Turner said: “This morning I performed an emergency procedure on a mighty oak.

“I saved its life but in the process a small mouse emerged from the trunk which I scooped up in my large callused hand and carried to safety.

“Then I did some dangerous climbing stuff but was not scared.”

Although quite old, this observation may have not been seen by many posers........


WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER !!

"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930’s,40's, 50's, and 60's
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank Sherry while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos...
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, bread and dripping, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking..
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers and Bubble Gum.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter, milk from the cow, and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because....... WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O..K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY , no video/dvd films, or colour TV, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time....

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn't need to keep up with the Jones's!

Not everyone made the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT

Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber at us if they thought we weren't concentrating ....
We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R's education.
Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !