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You will only encounter this once in your lifetime:-

August, in 2015, will have 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens only once every 823 years. The Chinese call it ' Silver pockets full'.

My calendar says there are only 4 Fridays. 7th, 14th. 21st and 28th. Am I missing something ?

urban myth !
http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/823-years.html

Thanks for that jazzgirl - thought for a moment that I had lost the plot !

Well spotted Jazzgirl; Shall not be buying any lottery tickets in August!

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Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says: "I think I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks: "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies: "No I only live round the corner.

It's OK Celadon. This is still my favourite thread,

Only stupid and crass people like Celadon think racist jokes are acceptable.

It is only a matter of time before it happens in the UK.

Semicolon Tattoos Have Become a Powerful Symbol For the Mental Health Community

It's very difficult to talk about mental health in the U.S., so a new campaign called Project Semicolon has set out to present "hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction and self-injury." The movement encourages people to tattoo or draw a semicolon on their bodies in support of the message.

What's the significance of the semicolon? “A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to,” the project site reads. “The sentence is your life and the author is you.”

I saw a sign outside an Irish Restaurant "5 Course Meal £20" so I went in.
Turns out it was 4 pints of Guinness and a potato.

Why do Aussies wear "flip flops"
"Cause they still can't tie shoe laces.

Twerk.....where a Yorkshire man goes from Monday till Friday

"A top Mexican drug lord has tunneled his way to freedom from prison," said a mole close to the source.

The Greek Government is getting so desperate, it is starting to respond to emails from Nigerian millionaires

That might be enough "racist" jokes for now ;-)

Outstanding Busby.

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POLICE in Manchester have warned football managers to be vigilant following a daring swindle yesterday. 
The swindler, going by the name of ‘Brenda’ and described as short, in his early 40s and almost supernaturally self-confident is thought to have swindled an elderly Chilean in Manchester. 
A police spokesman said: “The victim was told he was buying £49m worth of quality goods but on closer inspection it appeared to be a Shaun Wright-Phillips knock-off with no guarantee.
“It’s particularly distressing that this was a vulnerable older gent who just two years ago was cheated out of £25m for a worthless Jovetic. 
“There seems to be a rash of these crimes at the moment – down the road at Old Trafford a Dutch pensioner asked us for advice on buying what appears to be German goods five years past its sell-by date.”
The motive for Sunday’s robbery is thought to be malicious as well as financial, with the main suspect previously involved in a Balotelli deal that went badly wrong. The police have warned the public not to approach him as he’s believed to be carrying a Lovren.
Other managers have been advised to mark their players with a UV pen and photograph them wearing the club shirt, to prevent them falling into the hands of Aidy Ward.
Logan said: “Sunday’s victim is trying to make the best of things but all too often such goods are sold off two years later for a massive loss. Usually to Harry Redknapp.”