Crossword Help Forum
Forum Rules

Good one, Celadon !

Not sure if you posted it or where I saw it.
Crazy laws -- in Colorado it is / was illegal to collect rainwater. The idea was that you were stealing from those who had "rights" to the water-table.
Duh!! Where did they think the water would end up? Sold to aliens?

They have lightened up a bit:
http://www.ncsl.org/research/environment-and-natural-resources/rainwater-harvesting.aspx

Scary people.

Scientists say they've found the world's oldest creature -- unfortunately, they've also killed the poor thing.
The creature in question is an ocean quahog known as the 'Ming clam'. It was found in northern Wales about seven years ago and, at the time, it was believed the creature was roughly four hundred years old.
That meant the Ming clam was the world's oldest creature, and soon found itself in the Guinness Book of World Records. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the previous record was set by another clam, though that one was discovered in Iceland.
However, upon further investigation scientists at Bangor University in Wales found that the mollusk was, in fact, more than five hundred years old.
In order to reach that conclusion, the Welsh scientists had to freeze the Ming clam and then open it up in order to study its inner rings.
That process, which resulted in the researchers killing the creature, showed that the mollusk began life 507 years ago. That means the Ming clam was born in 1499 -- just a few years after Columbus discovered the New World.
For their part, the Bangor University scientists said they didn't intend to kill the ancient clam.
"The longest-lived clam was collected along with many others and, as it is impossible to age the clams until their shells have been opened, there was no indication of its extreme age until after this had been done," Bangor University noted in a press release.
"The notion that scientists knew in advance that it was the longest-lived species and then deliberately destroyed it is plainly incorrect."
In any case, the Bangor University researchers are certain they've got the Ming clam's age right this time around.
"We got it wrong the first time and maybe we were a bit hasty publishing our findings back then," noted Bangor School of Ocean Sciences researcher Dr. Paul Butler. "But we are absolutely certain that we've got the right age now."

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'

Three accountants and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three accountants buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an engineer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant. They all board the train. The engineers take their respective seats but all three accountants cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the engineers decide to copy the accountants on the return trip and save some money (knowing that accountants are clever with money) . When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the accountants don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed engineer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant. When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a rest room and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the accountants leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the engineers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

I hope the ticket was like the joke........first class!

THE Work and Pensions Secretary is to spend the next 4,570 nights stacking shelves at Poundland.
Following a High Court decision that making benefit claimants work for free is unlawful, Duncan Smith is being held personally liable to fulfil contracts made to supply labour.
His first shift began at Poundland in Newcastle-under-Lyme at 10pm yesterday evening, when Duncan Smith was handed a branded tabard and told to “guard it with his life”.
He was then given his first official caution of the night for leaving the Povvos Suck tattoo on his upper arm exposed.
Poundland employee Emma Bradford said: “He was caught curled up trying to sleep on a pallet of cat litter in the back, which is when the manager gave him his second caution.
“Then Iain got put on pricing, and if anything he was even more useless. He wouldn’t stop asking how much everything was.”
A tired-looking Duncan Smith told reporters: “It’s challenging but good breeding is on my side, giving me the height to reach even the top shelf on the notoriously demanding cereals aisle.
“And I categorically deny any suggestion that I was given my third caution at 6am been getting caught smoking a hash pipe with a security guard out by the bins.”

THE late Ronnie Biggs has been hailed for his contribution to theft.

Channel 5 documentary-type gangster Tom ‘Pliers’ Logan said: “It’s a sad thing, but lots of people these days are happy to do jobs like teaching and nursing to get money, rather than good old robbing.

“I hope Ronnie gets fawning obituaries in national newspapers, because he definitely deserves that. Doing a big robbery is way better than doing a science discovery or something.”

15-year-old Wayne Hayes said: “I’m too young to remember the Great Train Robbery, but reading about it encouraged me to ‘twock’ a Fiat Uno. Yeah, sticking it to the system.

“It’s funny cos Mandela died last week. I think they were similar because Mandela was about liberating a nation and Biggs was about liberating other people’s money.”

Career criminal Roy Hobbs said: “Ronnie was a great character and that’s what counts. That’s why when I burgle someone’s house I make sure to do it in a ‘cheeky’ way.”

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- Shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' Liverpool '

And they say blondes are dumb...

A local organisation called an extra meeting to discuss the fact that they seemed to be having too many meetings!