Crossword Help Forum
Forum Rules

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

8. You ask for soft high fibre candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,'
and you're not wearing one.

5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...' and you can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.


2. You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighbourhood with a walker.


1. You keep having to go home to pee.


No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.

Well...sitting here knee deep in tooth rotting sweeties, plus Halloween cupcakes....not one " guiser".


Jimmy Saville has got even more to answer for...

Off to have a gummy body part mmmwaahaha....

Crazy Laws - Missouri
It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)

Buckner, in this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.

In Kansas City MO, installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.

In Kansas City MO, Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.

In Marceline MO, minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.

In Marquette MO, it is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).

In Mole MO, frightening a baby is in violation of the law.

In Natchez MO, it shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.

In Purdy MO, dancing is strictly prohibited.

In St. Louis MO, It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.

In St. Louis MO, A milk man may not run while on duty.

In University City MO, Four women may not rent an apartment together.

Signs:

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

Back to posers:-

Only 5% of Stanford University graduates
figured it out!

Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word?

1. The word has seven letters....
2. Preceded God...
3. Greater than God...
4. More Evil than the devil...
5. All poor people have it...
6. Wealthy people need it....
7. If you eat it, you will die.

...only clues 1 and 7 really work for me. (and i guess 7 need not always be true - pedantic or what?)

...only clues 1 and 7 really work for me. (and i guess 7 need not always be true - pedantic or what?)

oo, and question 4, i think we all know someone.

The old ones are the best:-

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother !'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

THREE Christmas ghosts visited gas executive Tom Logan to show him the error of his ways, but he didn’t give a shit.
As Britain’s gas companies began their annual round of price hikes just in time for the perishing cold of winter, three apparitions appeared in the bedroom of materially-wealthy, spiritually-poor utilities boss Tom Logan.
The Ghost of Christmas Present said: “I took Logan on a journey through the ice-clad streets of London, peering into the window of a poor family huddled around a brazier where they were burning the parents’ wedding photos for heat.
“He simply muttered something about ‘dwindling North Sea reserves’ and ‘the need to stay competitive’.”
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come said: “I took Logan to a funeral the following year, where the same family wept as the body of their bandy-legged son Little Martin was lowered into the ground. They couldn’t afford a coffin so they’d just chipped the thick ice in which he froze to death into a vague rectangular shape.
“Logan was like, ‘Can we get on with this because I’ve got a conference call about how we can make some more lovely money?’”
The Ghost of Christmas Past said: “I couldn’t really do much because it turns out he had always been a callous bastard.”
Tom Logan said: “These ghosts simply don’t understand the tough business conditions in which we have to operate.
“Now if you don’t mind, I’m about to eat a massive swan, in a big warm room all on my own.”