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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.


The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said, "I'm sorry but my dad is a lawyer and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

Why do Kamikaze pilots bother to wear crash helmets?

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Did you know that this year, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823 years.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's rather a lot. Apparently Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd.. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

i'll have another vowel please?

Simon Cowell?