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Excellent pastille - how goes it?

Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says:"Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

There are four engineers traveling in a car: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer ...who works on Microsoft Windows.


The car breaks down and they all have suggestions on what to do.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized," says the mechanical engineer. "We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again."

"I disagree," says the chemical engineer. "It sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be a grounding problem," says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the software engineer, who has said nothing so far.

"Well?" they all say to the geek. "What do you think?"

"Well," the Microsoftie suggests, "perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again...?"

It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.


The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

Then one little boy says: "My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said, "I'm sorry but my dad is a lawyer and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

Why do Kamikaze pilots bother to wear crash helmets?

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Did you know that this year, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823 years.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's rather a lot. Apparently Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.